The Wellspring

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

--Proverbs 4:23

The Dream

I came across this photograph on the net, by some bloke called Eirik Johnson ages ago, and for some reason saved it on to my computer. It makes me feel happy when I look at it, because it makes me think about our dream/plan of moving down the coast.

I know the sky looks kinda gloomy, and it has a wintery vibe to it, but the warm orangey light from inside looks cosey. I imagine us all huddled inside by a fireplace, and I have the slow cooker cranking, ready for dinner. Probably stew.

The little blue shed behind the house would be my studio, and I would work from home, plus do painting and music stuff in there. I like that the yard looks rough and ready, and I imagine working on Saturdays to get it into shape-- pulling up those brown weed things, pruning the trees, building a vege patch, mowing the grass.

I imagine beyond the left edge of the picture, the terrain just rambles out into a rough sort of paddock, with hills and bushland beyond. Plenty of room to explore, play with the kids, and paint.

The brown house behind ours belongs to an elderly couple. When we are both out in our yards, we have a chat. I discuss rose growing and stew making with the lady, and tree pruning, books and sport with the bloke.

Good times.

Thursday Peanuts

Level Paths

Make level paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

--Proverbs 4:26-27

Facebook

Confession. I am not on Facebook, and don't really know what it's all about. What I do know, is that I feel very out of the loop.

'Hey cool people, I'll send out a Facebook thingy this week about my totally awesome party.'

'I'm not on Facebook..'

'Oh? Well, um... I'll try and maybe send out an email too, maybe.. if I remember. Do you mind if I go back over there and talk to all my cool Facebook friends again?'

Yeah go and have your stupid exclusive Facebook party with all your hip mates, I don't care. I have stacks of other good things that I can do by myself. And none of you are invited.

See, it hurts, doesn't it.

What do you actually do on this so called Facebook of yours? I hear that you poke people or something or other. Sounds like a barrel of laughs. What else do you do, I am genuinely curious? I know you can get friends, and have a list of all your friends. That sounds pretty awesome in itself, I guess.

It's too late for me now, anyway. If I joined today, I would just be a bandwagon jumper, and you'd all say 'oh I remember back in 2007 when we were totally Facebooking it up, and ... oh, what's that Ben? You weren't on Facebook until 2008?? Ohh..'

I don't care. I don't even want to be in your gang, anyway. As I said I have stacks and stacks of really great and exclusive things that I can do on my own. I can't tell you what those things are, because you'd just be too upset and jealous of their sheer awesomeness.

Teeth!

Fix Your Gaze

Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.

--Proverbs 4:25

You Shall Never Wash My Feet

"No," said Peter, "You shall never wash my feet."

I read the passage this morning from John 13 about Jesus washing the disciple's feet, and got thinking about Peter's words. Was his refusal noble or not? Humble or proud?

The way I have always understood it is simply that Peter rightly has a high view of Jesus, and to see Him lower Himself to this task shocks Peter. The passage follows this thread, as Jesus explains that He is doing it as an example. That if He can wash their feet (ie serve them), then they should in turn serve each other, and never think themselves too great to serve.

But I wonder if there was more behind Peter's initial reaction, than not wanting to see his master lower Himself. Was it also because of the way it would make him feel?

When somebody does something for you that is so undeserved, lowers themselves for you, I think as well as feeling grateful, you also feel uneasy and very humbled. Feeling so humbled is not always a pleasant experience. Our high view of ourselves, and our pride are suddenly blown away, and we are naked, seeing ourselves for what we really are. Unworthy.

"Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

You Gotta Wonder

The bus doors opened this morning, and a woman stepped on to the bus. She was obviously blind; had a cane, and dark glasses, and was feeling around with her hand.

In a friendly, polite, and loud voice she asked the driver, 'do you go to Burwood?'

He looked at her, shook his head, didn't say a word, then looked forward again.

'Yes??', she asked, still polite.

'No!', he snapped, irritably, and started closing the door.

I guess it was fair enough for him to be angry at her. I mean, sure, she was blind, but she should have been at least able to sense him shaking his head, surely. Don't blind people have sonar or something, like bats? It was a bit rich expecting him to actually speak one word. The nerve.

Violence is not the answer... mostly. But this guy really deserved a bit of a beat down.

Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge

By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;
by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.

--Proverbs 3:19-20

Friendships

I was talking to a friend the other day, about the importance of keeping up friendships. What I have found, to some extant since I got married, but to a much larger extent since we had a baby, is that you wake up one day and realise you don't see anyone anymore, one on one, like the old days.

I think this might be a particular problem for guys with kids. Say E has been with little e all day, it only seems right and fair that she should go out with friends some evenings, for a break. So maybe it is less hard for her to sustain these other friendships.

But with me, I haven't seen little e all day, so to then go out after work with a mate, brings up feelings of guilt, firstly because I won't then see my kid for that whole day or night, and secondly because E will be solely looking after her not only all day, but all evening. It doesn't seem very fair.

So this presents a real conundrum, I think, because it is still important for me to try and maintain these other friendships too. The guilty feelings come from me, not from E, so it's not like she's keeping me from going out. It's just that I feel bad about it. I guess it just has to be a balance thing, something that you think about and try to come up with a compromise for.

I am really curious about how other guys have dealt with this, as I have never really heard anyone talk about it, and I certainly wasn't anticipating it.

Any words of wisdom?

What's In A Name

Almost as good as a sprinter named Bolt, is a local politician in our area called John Faker. I saw his campaign poster and smiled.

I want to trust you, John, I really do. But you're making it hard.

Hark, They Roar No More

Well, the Tigers bow out before the finals for the third season in a row now. Sad times. Those 2005 glory days are a becoming a vague and foggy distant memory. Better give my grand final DVD another showing, to remember happier times. Sheens is talking about axing players-- I wonder who he would cut..

Five Musicals

I was just browsing in the news agent when I heard a lady speaking to the cashier. I looked up over at her; just a regular looking lady. This is pretty much word for word what she said--

I am very spiritual. I write beautiful religious affirmations for people. I have been in five musicals. In the chorus. I have achieved a lot in my life. People have said that the prophecies I make have come true. Yes, I have been in five musicals.

Um..

In Your Own Eyes

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.

--Proverbs 3:7

Slow Cooker

E got given a slow cooker for her birthday. It was a gift from the same person who gave me that drill, and just as E was way more excited about the drill than I was, I am way more excited about this sweet slow cooker than E.

It's awesome. Before I drove up to the mountains on Saturday, I put it on, and then when I got home, there was dinner waiting for us. It was great! I misplaced the instruction book, so just did what I thought would work. I was glad I did, because all the recipes talked about browning the meat and onions etc in a separate pan first, which seems to take away from the simple beauty of it all. I just whacked some veges and chicken legs into the pot--

Then threw in some herbs and spices (cumin, curry, turmeric, paprika, garam masala, thyme, bay leaf) a tin of tomatoes, and a tin of tomato soup--

Then about six hours later I came home, and it was good to go--

It was pretty nice. Maybe a bit too much liquid, but apart from that, good. The chicken was really tender and just fell off the bone.

Has anyone got one of these babies? They are really great. Anyone got any tips or good recipes? Should I be browning things first? Also, can you cook dry things in there too? I read you could do a whole roast dinner in there, but don't really understand how this would work..

Day With Little e

In the end I decided to drive up to the mountains with little e on Saturday, to visit some friends. This seemed a bit more manageable to me than taking her in to town on a bus. Thanks to those who gave me suggestions though-- hope you had a good time at Cockatoo Island.

We had a really nice day together, and I felt kind of empowered that things went pretty smoothly, and that I dealt with things without getting too flustered. It's a good thing that Little e is a good traveller. We had a good drive up there, listening to her Play School cd, and singing along.

It was nice being in the mountains, and seeing my mate and his family. I have started to realise that I hardly ever make the effort to catch up with people. The trip home was a little less smooth-- a bit of crying and angst, but wasn't too bad. I just felt really chuffed to have done it, and look forward to doing more stuff with her, just the two of us. This would be good, not just to give E a break from us now and again, but for little e and I to be as close as we can be.

Book Group- Week Seven (Part 4, i-iii)

Overview--

-Raskolnikov visited by Svidrigailov, who explains his intentions for helping Dunya. R is very unsettled by this man, and his claims to be birds of a feather with R.

-Dinner party with Ras, Dunya, their mum, Razumikhin and Luzhin. Things go very pear shaped and end up disastrously for Luzhin.

-Things seem to take a turn for the better. Razumikhin proposes a business plan for the group, and they all look set to live happily ever after. But..

-Raskolnikov suddenly announces that he is leaving- for good. Everybody sent into a spin.

-Couple of interesting moments where 1) R wonders, apparently for the first time what Razumikhin will think when he finds out R is a murderer 2) Razumikhin seems to suddenly become aware that R is a murderer.

Svidrigailov--

I couldn't help liking this guy. I loved that he unsettled Ras so much; that he shrugged off every insult or bit of rudeness that came his way. I liked that his crazy talk about ghosts, and about perhaps being insane really got under R's skin. It was like 'hey, I'm the crazy one around here, I can't handle being around someone even crazier...'.

There was then an interesting shift when R started to realise that maybe there were similarities between them, and that he in fact might secretly like or look up to this man, because he started to tick R's boxes of being 'extraordinary'.

Luzhin--

And then we see this jerk in all his glory. You just hate this guy. He is so arrogant, and so deluded. The way he tries to become powerful, by essentially preying on the week and helpless is repugnant. He wanted a Dunya who was poor, helpless and completely humble, who would serve him and elevate him as her saviour. He could not handle a Dunya who might have some pride, and opinions and backbone. And the prospect of her inheriting this three thousand roubles sent him into a tailspin, as he realised he was losing his upper hand.

It was a great ending to the second chapter, to see him chased off with his tail between his legs, and being seen completely for the loser he is.

I'm Curious--

About how Luzhin intends to get even with Raskolnikov. About what part Svidrigailov will play in Raskolnikov's personal struggles. About how exactly Razumikhin suddenly seemed to know that R was the killer. Had he always known but had been to frightened to admit it to himself?

For Next Week-- read Part 4,iv-vi

Linkin'

I thought I would link to a few posts that I have found interesting of late--

Sophie wanted to chase storms. It makes me happy that people get interested in funny things like this, and get passionate about things that those around them may not really think about.

Simone asks whether you should love your spouse more than your children or vice versa. She raises some really interesting points, suggesting it may be different between the sexes.

Drew writes about Crime and Punishment, the ordinary and the extraordinary.

Soph talks about jobs.

Ali talks about 2nd hand book shops. I like 2nd hand book shops.

Craig talks about what he wants for his boys.

Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

--Proverbs 3:5-6

Blue

I am feeling pretty blue today, for various reasons- some silly, some not. Do you ever wake up after a night of bad dreams and then find it hard to shake off the residual emotions that those dreams have brought up? I am trying to pull myself out of feeling this way, but keep thinking about the things that are upsetting me.

Prayer is the answer, but sometimes it feels hard to pray. Anyway, there is a lot to stop and marvel at, a lot to give thanks for. I want to think about those things. It is stormy today, and though that tends to fuel my blueness, in a way it does me good by putting things in perspective for me-- The world is big, and thirsty, and needs rain. I am small and me getting wet is inconsequential. God is bigger than everything, is in control, and knows what is best.

Thursday Peanuts

Love and Faithfulness

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

--Proverbs 3:3

Guilty Pleasure

Ever wondered what what it would sound like if you crossed Metallica with The Corrs?

Neither had I, but then I stumbled upon this band from Finland called Nightwish. Not my cup of tea, silly and overblown-- but strangely addictive, and strangely awesome.

I have been too embarrassed to tell anyone, but I have been cranking two of their albums on my mp3 player for a couple of months now. Check out this one song Amaranth-- that chorus has been in my head for weeks.

Gotta Love The Bolt

I have not been overly interested in the Olympics, but you gotta love Usain Bolt. That guy is awesome. He won the 100m the other day, and got the 200m last night. I missed it, and am hanging to find a video of it, but am still searching. The closest I have found is a stills montage on Youtube put to 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley. Didn't quite capture the moment for me.

Cool to see a relatively poor country like Jamaica cleaning up in the Athletics too. In the women's 200m I think it was, Jamaica got all three medals. Good stuff. I also like that not only is his name Bolt, but that that is the name he was born with. Would he have won had he been called Usain Snail? Something to ponder.

Please let me know if you find a video of last nights' race...

Wuthering Heights

I gave E a DVD boxset of BBC Bronte movies for her birthday, and we have been working our way through Wuthering Heights. It's kind of a funny old version-- it was made in 1978 and very much looks like it was made in 1978-- cheap special effects, low production values etc. But it is growing on me, and there is something likable about it. At several hours, it is definitely thorough, and true to the book.

As you might know, I am not the biggest period drama fan, particularly of the Jane Austen persuasion (ha!), but I don't mind the Brontes, they are a different kettle of fish. They have dark elements, and Gothic elements, and so are not really that far removed from the kind of Gothic horror movies I like. Here's a clip-- worth watching just to see Heathcliff's bizarre mullet hair at the 3:20 mark.

I have to say though, those characters really give me the poops. Both Cathy and Heathcliff are miserable old sods, who do nothing but complain and whinge about how they can't be together. It was your decision, you turkeys. And the way they carry on. If they get upset they chuck tanty's and bang their heads against things like two year olds, or suddenly become fatally ill for no apparent reason. Toughen up, you two.

Incidentally, on our first date-that-wasn't-a-date (I thought it was a date, but was apparently wrong), E and I organised to each bring our favourite book for the other to read. She lent me Wuthering Heights, and I lent her Cloudstreet by Tim Winton.

Voucher

For my birthday last year, my Grandma gave me a gift voucher. It could only be used at Dick Smith, Woolworth's, Big W, a liquor shop and a couple of other places, so I never got around to using it. But it was about to expire, so I finally used it yesterday.

I considered buying a six pack of beer, but as my Grandma is an outspoken member of a women's temperance union, I couldn't bring myself to do that. So, I planned to go to Woolworth's and blow it all on Jaffas and honey-roasted cashews, two of my great loves, but when I got there I had a brainwave-- that Woolies sells DVD's.

The pickings were slim; a couple of ancient westerns, some nasty looking chick-flicks (probably starring Sandra Bullock) and the one that I chose-- a double disc set of Underworld and Underworld :Evolution. Not the kind of thing that really floats my boat, but there are apparently both vampires and werewolves, so I'm hoping my boat might be at least partially floated.

Anyone seen it? Did I choose badly?

Overlooking Insult

A fool shows his annoyance at once,
but a prudent man overlooks an insult.

--Proverbs 12:16

Dad and Daughter Time

Me and little e have all of Saturday on our own, as E is going to a playgroup seminar thing. I am trying to think of something interesting (yet manageable) that we could do, rather than just sit around at home all day.

I am not very adventurous when I am on my own with her, but I reckon I should try more things-- after all, I want to be a fun Dad, not a hesitant, boring one.

A lot will depend on whether we have the car or not, but any ideas??

Sober Judgement

In thinking about self-esteem over the past couple of days, a phrase that keeps popping into my head is 'think of yourself with sober judgement', which comes from Romans 12:3.

I think this sheds light on how we are to view ourselves-- not too highly, but not too lowly. 'Sober' suggests a realistic look at ourselves, unclouded by emotion. Free of the self doubt that says anything we do is not good enough, and free of arrogance that says what we do is magnificent.

The verse goes on to say 'in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you'. We are not hopeless, because what we have is given by God. So our gifts are good, and are special. But we have no right to arrogance for the exact same reason-- what we have is given by God. You can't boast about something that was given to you.

Dance Where You Can

Under the world's conifers- under the creek side cedar behind where I sit- a mantle of fungus wraps the soil in a weft, shooting out blind thread after frail thread of palest dissolved white. From root tip to root tip, root hair to root hair, these filaments loop and wind; the thought of them always reminds me of Rimbaud's "I have stretched cords from steeple to steeple, garlands from window to window, chains of gold from star to star, and I dance." King David leaped and danced naked before the ark of the Lord in a barren desert. Here the very looped soil is an intricate throng of praise. Make connections; let rip; and dance where you can.

--Annie Dillard, Pilgrim At Tinker Creek

Tiges Go Down

Eels 40, Wests Tigers 12. Ouch.

Look up 'inconsistent' in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of the Tigers.

ps-- Lairdy, please honour your no blog comment policy..

Morning

I like that I have become a morning person. I was watching the sunrise from the bus window this morning, enthralled in the way the sky turned the trees orange, the way the light and shadows changed so quickly, and I felt a deep sense of happiness.

A few years back when I was unemployed, I got in to the habit of staying up ridiculously late, and as a consequence I got into the routine of waking really late. This made me feel depressed. I would wake tired, the day was already well underway, and I would immediately feel behind the eight ball, floundering.

When you get to see the sunrise, you feel ready and alive.

Advice

Pride only breeds quarrels,
but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

--Proverbs 13:10

Self-Esteem

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend about self-esteem. One thing that occurred to me, is that it seems like people are more willing to talk about low self-esteem than healthy self-esteem.

As a listener, it can be quite jarring to hear someone say that they have high self-esteem. Maybe this is because of the society we live in, tall poppy syndrome and all that stuff. Maybe it is scary to tell someone that you have good self-esteem because it makes you appear proud, full of yourself, or even just deluded.

To give an example, and to be honest, I have sometimes found myself giving the impression of having low self-esteem, sensing this was a likable trait, rather than being more truthful, and saying that I actually have good self-esteem, and if anything, am more inclined to slide the other way.

My friend was saying that often people with lower self-esteem find their sense of self very much influenced by other peoples' opinions of them, or by what other people say to them, whereas people with high self-esteem are more inclined to not take on what people say, to not heed criticism, and for their self worth to be built more from the inside out.

I agree with this mostly, I think. What do you reckon? Have you ever had someone tell you they have high self-esteem? Would you think they were proud if they said so?

Renovations

It's a bit of a big time for our church at the moment. Big renovations start this week, so for the next year we are 'camping' at other locations. Yesterday we met somewhere else for the first time, and it seemed to go pretty smoothly. On Saturday we had a big working bee to clear the site ready for the builders to come. It was good to be part of it, and to see how much everyone was willing to chip in.

You gotta admire Dominic, as someone who is willing to lead his congregation through difficulties, because he has a bigger picture of how things could be improved in the long run. He asked yesterday for people to voice their concerns. My concerns were that some people might slip through the cracks during the process, and also that newer people in the congregation might be skeptical about how necessary the renovations are, and why bigger is better for our church..

Book Group- Week Six (Part 3,iv-vi)

An Overview--

-Sonya visits Raskolnikov and invites him to her fathers' funeral

-A mysterious man follows Sonya

-Razumikhin takes Ras to see Porfiry, the detective in charge of the murder case, as Ras is trying to get back his pawned belongings. Zamyotov is there too, and Ras suspects they know something..

-Porfiry brings up 'On Crime', an article Ras has written for a newspaper. The en shewing conversation reveals a lot about Raskolnikov's motives, and how he views the murder.

-Ras arrives home to find a man inquiring after him. Ras follows him and questions him. He calls Ras 'muderer' and keeps walking, knocking Ras for six.

-Ras has a dream about the murder. He awakes to find Svidrigailov, his sister' former employer watching him.

The Ordinary and The Extraordinary--

The discussion about Ras's newspaper article was fascinating, as we finally discover the thought process behind his thinking, and behind the murders. As Porfiry describes--

"The whole point of his article is that the human race is divided into the 'ordinary' and the 'extraordinary'. The ordinary must live in obedience and do not have the right to break the law, because, well, because they're ordinary, you see. The extraordinary, on the other hand, have the right to commit all sorts of crimes and break the law.."

We then come to realise that Raskolnikov either sees himself as 'extraordinary' or at least as inspiring to be. The murder seems to have been a test for himself, to see whether he was able to cross the line that the 'ordinary' apparently can't. It is also chilling to see how theoretical it all is to him, that he has no remorse about the old woman (and doesn't even seem to give thought to Lizaveta), and did not even have a particular hatred or vendetta towards her in the first place. It seems like she was just one necessary ingredient in an experiment.

The Artisan--

I am very intrigued about this mysterious man who seems to be the one person who knows definitely that Raskolnikov is a murderer. I gather that he is the same man who followed Sonya home earlier? It is good to see R recoiling so much, to see him suddenly scared and not feeling in control, as he seemed so smug and in control when being questioned by Porfiry.

So how do you think he knows? I can't figure it out. I guess he was somehow near the pawnbrokers apartment when it happened, and he saw or heard something? Why did he recognise Sonya, and why did he follow her?

Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser..

For Next Week- Read Pt 4, i-iii

Where The Wild Things Are

Did you know a movie is being made of Where The Wild Things Are? How cool is that? It is still a long way off (I think it hits the cinemas late next year), but still, I reckon it could be cool.

It's being directed by Spike Jonze, who is a great choice. The few pictures I have seen look really cool, and the monsters look just like they do in the book.

Brand Me

I try to avoid having big brand names and slogans splashed across my clothing, and would rather wear something more nondescript. To me, it feels a bit 'look at me'ish. Please notice how much I have spent on my wardrobe.. please?

The other thing that concerns me about it, is that your chosen brands say something about you, and from this point on you have the pressure of having to live up to these expectations.

Let's take the guy sitting in front of me on the bus this morning as our case study. A regular sort of guy, about thirty. A bit slobby, a bit overweight. A bit of bum crack showing. Scuffed shoes. And yet all over his pants, jumper, jacket and beanie we see such slogans, brands and claims as "Champion", "No Fear" and "Everlast". We have a discrepancy, people.

Now don't get me wrong, I like a bit of self-belief, and I reckon self-confidence is an attractive trait. But surely this guy is either setting himself up for a fall, or just kidding himself. My friend, are you a champion of the calibre that deserves it written across your back? Are you really actually without fear? I am impressed. And is it true that you will actually last forever? If so, I have nothing but sheer admiration for your greatness.

I say, if you are going to go to the effort of having these slogans written on you, you may as well go the whole hog. If I had a sporting brand, it would be called--

Don't hold back. If you know you're bloody great, then just say so properly. Another equivalent is these people wandering about with their Fitness First backpacks. This is a big claim. Is it the truth? You do realise that toting this backpack means you can't stroll in to McDonalds for lunch, don't you? It also means you can't be lighting up those durries in public either. My suggestion is go for something a little more manageable and attainable, until you are really at the peak of your game. Something like this--

Thursday Peanuts

Equilibrium, Italians and Human Tetris

Most of the time, the world hangs in perfect balance; and whilst us little humans toddle about like ants, trying to leave our own little mark, from space it is just a blur, and the Earth continues it's flawless rotation on an invisible axis, thus maintaining a state of equilibrium. Here is some hard-hitting science to prove my point:

Hmm, so true, so true. This morning, however, three unsuspecting Italian women disrupted this equilibrium, sending a thin fracture though the course of space and time.

Every morning I step onto the bus, and head straight to the back seat, and sit in the left hand corner. Not because I am tough, (although I am), but to be as far away from the rest of the passengers as I possibly can. From this point, the regular passengers continue to get on the bus, and take their usual seats. The bus thus fills, neatly, and according to routine.

This morning, three Italian women sat in the way of this routine. Being the gentleman that I am, I politely allowed them to get on first. You can therefor understand my horror when I saw them walk right past the vacant four-seater, and go for the back seat. And not in a neat, appropriate way either. One sat in the middle, another beside her, and the last one in the seat in front, turned sideways with her legs blocking further back seat access.

Now I don't have anything against Italians per se, just these particular three. I was forced to take a strange, foreign two- seater, midway down the bus. From here the fracture continued to grow. The horror was visible, as each successive passenger got on the bus, and saw the disarray. Like human Tetris pieces they came down the aisle, desperately rotating to find a new place to call home.

Two words. Butterfly effect. It's incomprehensible to imagine the repercussions this could have. All I can say, Valued Reader, is start stockpiling your canned goods.

Plastic Clogs--Fashionable or Deadly?

Well, well, well. I was right after all. No need to apologise, just throw them away, and lets move on. Here is a quote from an article in UK paper, The Telegraph--

Crocs, the fashionable plastic clogs, could be banned from all hospitals because it is feared they interfere with life-saving medical equipment. The soles on the shoes are thought to generate static electricity which is strong enough to knock out respirators and machines in operating theatres.

There you go. Not only hideous, but life-threatening as well. I'm definitely going to start a petition now.

139

This morning I was reading through what I think is one of the most beautiful Psalms-- Psalm 139. If ever there was a wonderfully painted picture of God's love and care for us, it's here. So intimate, and yet so massive as well--

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

Dark Ages, Please.

I hate having brochures shoved in my face at train stations or on the street, especially when the person blocks your path and pretty much won't take no for an answer.

This morning I had a bloke step right in front of me, waving a newspaper of some sort in my face yelling 'prosperity or dark ages-- the choice is yours, sir!!'

I would think that you wave the right to use the word 'sir' if you jump in front of someone and yell at them. On the other hand, everybody has something they want to share/sell, and how else are you going to get people to hear you out? Is there any other way than to get in someone's face and yell at them?

Classic Tales

Classic Tales, the TV series that I have been doing design work on for the past year or so, starts being aired today, 3:55pm on the ABC. It'll be good to finally see it on tele.

The Sydney Morning Herald gave it a pretty good review in The Guide yesterday.

Happy 30th Birthday, E!

Locked Out

Had a fun little adventure this arvo. I got a call from E, who was frantic, because she had locked herself out of the unit while hanging out the clothes. Problem was, little e was locked inside...

It was pretty scary, it's the sort of awful thing I have bad dreams about. Raced home from work, unlocked the door, raced back to work -- a 2.5 hour round trip. In an hour and a half I'll travel home again. Deja vu!

Anyways, luckily little e was asleep in her cot the whole time, and was none the wiser.

Meeting People Is Hard

This morning on the train I was watching this guy bopping away to the music in his headphones. He looked pretty ridiculous, but he seemed pretty pleased with himself. He was a big, tall guy, but was wearing a suit that looked about five sizes too big. He seemed pretty suave and confident, so I suspect he was one of those peeps who loses a stack of weight, leaving him brimming with confidence, and feeling good to go.

So our man noticed this girl sitting near him, and obviously feeling pretty irresistible, decided to make a move. I winced, and wanted to look away, but couldn't. Don't do it! I thought, but he ignored my ESP warnings. He took off his headphones, and slid across the seat towards the girl, and said "Sooooo.. good weekend?". "yes thanks", she replied, confused, and looked the other way.

"Sooo.. going to North Sydney?"
"No".
"Cool. Cool. Soooo.. you studying?"
"No, working." Looks the other direction.
"Oh, cool, cool. Sooooooooooooo..."

This horrid state of affairs continued for another several questions that led nowhere for our poor man. There was then a period of silence, and you could tell he was racking his brains for that one great line that might get him a foot in the door. But he had nothing. His ammunition was spent. He looked very sad.

Slowly, very slowly, almost invisibly to the naked eye, he started to slide back where he had come from. He then very carefully brought his legs back around to face the front. Then one headphone slowly went back in. Wait. Wait. No sudden moves. Then the other one. Then a slow reach into his pocket and a fumble for the play button. And it was over. The girl, and the rest of the vestibule heaved a sigh of relief.

Meeting people is hard.

The Weekend

I had a nice weekend. Left work early on Friday to go to a friend's wedding. It was a really nice wedding, and it was awesome to see our friend Cath looking so happy. On Saturday we went to a park in Earlwood with my fam, for E's 30th birthday (which is tomorrow)-- I cooked up a big breakfast for everyone on the BBQ. Good times. On Sunday went to church, which was good, and then my Mum and Dad looked after little e so E and I could go out for her birthday. We went to Newtown, to this really nice restaurant called Rubio's. Had an awesome lunch of whole baby chicken, chat potatoes and haloumi in Mediterranean vegetables. It was beautiful. We then browsed a while, and later went to a cafe for coffee and banana crepes and ice cream. Yum. The best thing of all is that little e is back to her good ol' self, happy and content, and sleeping.

Book Group- Week Five (Pt 3, i-iii)

An Overview--

-Raskolnikov reacts badly to the visit from his mother and sister.

-A drunken Razumikhin escorts R's mother and sister back to their lodgings, and goes off on a big rant that he later regrets. He is enamoured by the lovely Dunya.

-R's mother and sister show Razumikhin the letter from Luzhin, which badmouths' Raskolnikov for the way he gave the money to Marmeladov's family.

-They all return to Raskolnikov's 'coffin' and find him apparently recovered. Actually he is washed and shaved, and putting on the appearance of being recovered (probably to get everyone off his back.)

-Raskolnikov is shown the letter, and decides to meet with Luzhin, even though Luzhin told him not to. Troubles' a brewin'..

Benefactors--

I don't have a lot to say this week, but I one thing I found pretty interesting was a conversation between Raskolnikov and his sister, especially this bit--

'The whole trouble with you is that you seem to believe I'm sacrificing myself to someone for someone else's sake. That really is not the case. I'm simply getting married for my own sake, because things are not well for me; later on, of course, I shall be pleased if I can succeed in being of assistance to my family, but that is not the principal element in my determination...'

'She's lying!' he thought to himself, biting his fingernails in fury. 'The proud bitch. She doesn't want to admit that she has an ambition to be a benefactress... What arrogance! Oh, these base characters! Even when they love it's as if they hated... Oh, how I...hate them all!'

Pretty full on. It says a fair bit about their relationship, their understanding of each other, their similarities.. and it is a very clear example of R's ridiculous hypocrisy.

For Next Week-- Read Pt 3, iv-vi

The Speedster

Commuting on the bus every day, you become acquainted with the same faces. Often too acquainted, and the familiarity breeds contempt. There's that woman who yells on her mobile phone for the entire journey. There's that guy who sprinkles dandruff on you when he gets off the bus. There's that woman who yawns all over the back of your neck.

But there are a few rays of sunshine in the familiar faces. My favourite is this one man, who always brings a smile to my face. The Speedster.

Judging by his receding hairline and greyish hair, he would probably be nearing forty, though he looks and dresses like a teenager. He has Downs Syndrome, I think, and walks with a real spring in his step, and darts his head about, smiling at people. His face is pink, and looks like it's been scrubbed with a scourer. I just like him because he always seems so happy and excited about life.

What I like the most about him though, is his need for speed. When he steps off the bus, he hits the ground running, and sprints along the footpath, as fast as he can, his head thrown back, and his stocky little legs pumping away. Not in a stressed, 'oh I am late and have to hurry' way, just for the heck of it, just for the joy of running.

He stops when he reaches the traffic lights, to cross the road, and he glances around to see if any one's watching. His expression says 'Oh man, did you see me just now?! I was tearing it up! I think I may have broken the sound barrier! I am awesome!'

And he is.

The Whistleblower

It's official. My most hated place in the city is the bus stop on George Street, opposite St Andrew's Cathedral. I hate that bus stop. It has such a depressing vibe. It is always crowded, a million buses pull in there, and none of them is yours. It is always dirty, and it stinks.

There always seems to be some drunks hanging around abusing people. There always seems to be gnarly youths spitting all over the place and leaving rubbish. And some gross couple getting busy in public.

Last night I was waiting there 45 minutes in the cold drizzly dark. Standing behind me was a man just continually hurling abuse at everyone and everything, just this constant barrage of swearing and strange quasi- religious, depressing rubbish pouring out of his mouth--

Those Christian dogs...I am the Son of God.. George effing Bush...Every bus driver in Sydney needs his legs broken... The son of Jeee-suz.. If I had a gun and a bullet I would blow you all to kingdom come.

He then brought out a whistle, and started blowing it as loud as he could, just trying to get some kind of reaction, good or bad. He blew for about five minutes until the police turned up.

When the bus arrived I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I hate that bus stop.

Thursday Peanuts

Appetite For Destruction

What have you been listening to?

Usually the music I choose to listen to first thing in the morning is something gentle, and if I have had a bad night, maybe something a bit melancholy.

But sometimes I wake up feeling sort of energetic and good to go, and therefore want something loud and annoying to blast away the cobwebs and spice up the dullness of commuting to work. Today was one of those days, and Appetite For Destruction by Guns n' Roses was my drug of choice. You're in the jungle, baby!!

Attention Book Group Peeps..

I've kind of realised that I'm not going to be able to make up a week as I planned to. Just haven't had the time to catch up reading, I'm afraid. So I will post about Part Three, i-iii on Monday, rather than tomorrow. Sorry dudes.

Waiting For Spring

I can't wait for Spring. Only a few weeks to go. I love Spring; the smell of blooming jasmine, the sound of people mowing their lawns, the warmer weather. Ahhh.

I like the fact that I was born on the last day of Winter-- I was born to love Spring! It's cool-- I have my birthday, and then the day after, I wake up and there is all of Spring, Christmas and Summer ahead of me. Perfect.

What's your favourite time of year, and what things come to mind when you picture that time?

Quasimodo

I put my back out yet again the other day, lifting something heavy (see previous post), and am walking around like Quasimodo. This seems to happen way too frequently. I am a very delicate flower.

The bells! The bells!

We Have The Technology

I just bought a Wacom Cintiq, which is the same thing I use at work for all my drawing (any drawings I have put on my blog were done on this). It is a really cool thing; you draw straight onto the screen-- sort of like a supadupa Magnadoodle. Ahh, the Magnadoodle. I really wanted to get one so that maybe I can sometimes work from home, and also do more of my own stuff.

Also, in my mind it is bringing me one step closer to to the dream of moving down the South Coast and working from my own home studio. Baby steps, baby steps.

Now, to find a suitable property...

Clingy Kid

Since little e has been sick, she has become so clingy, especially with E. I really hope this is just a stage, because it is very exhausting, especially for E. Every time we try to put her to bed, she just cries and screams for an eternity, whereas she used to eventually get sick of it and nod off. If she hears E, she screams louder and doesn't give up until she gets picked up. So she has been 'sleeping' in our bed and I have been in the spare room. It feels pretty crap, and I just wish we could work out what to do to try and get out of this routine. Tonight I think we'll try the controlled crying thing again, and have E nowhere in sight around bed time.

Had bible study at our place last night, and E missed all of it, being with the baby, and I was just struggling to stay awake. Felt sad, as I had been looking forward to it. Still, it was nice to see everybody. One thing that I did catch was the importance of prayer, and persevering in prayer. I think this is really important-- the idea that you don't just pray about something once, but faithfully pray about it on an ongoing basis.

Responding To Waves

Did anybody see the segment on 60 Minutes last night about that guy Nick Vujicic, who was born without limbs?

It was amazing, not so much because of his predicament, but because of his attitude towards his predicament. He had such a positive outlook on life, and a deep faith in God, and does motivational talks all over the world.

It got me thinking about how the smallest challenge that comes into my life can knock me for six, pull me away from God, and start me thinking "If God really loved me..". It makes me feel very ashamed to realise how small my capacity for endurance is. It is easy to trust God when everything is rosy, but I guess it is in the trials that our true colours come out.

In James 1 it says "he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." I guess the opposite to enduring through faith is doubting God's love, and doubting God's love is as crazy as doubting the warmth of the sun. It's there to see and feel, so how can it not be real?