Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Monday, September 28, 2009

The Bane Of My Existence

You know what the bane of my existence is? Fitted sheets.

Those suckers give me way more grief than they have right to. Everything to do with fitted sheets is annoying. Trying to hang them on the line, they sproing back inwards and don't let you stretch them out properly. Trying to put them on the bed, one corner always pings back, when the other three are all sorted.

But the worst part, the thing that may eventually lead to my overall undoing, is trying to fold them up. You've just folded the top sheet. It was difficult, but satisfying. Once you lined up all the corners, you got it all to work well, beautifully neat folds, resulting in a tidy little package. Ahh.

But then you face the fitted sheet. It just doesn't fold. You spend a long time trying to take in the dumb elastic bits to try and make some sort of rectangle, but it's all puffy and crap. You fold and fold and fold but get no where. It will always master you. It will always make you a failure.

I'm pretty sure the postscript for Ecclessiastes reads 'ps- This whole book is pretty much a result of my struggles with fitted sheets'. Meaningless.

8 comments:

ALaird said...

I used to agree, but I saw how to do it easily on...cough...um...ah...Oprah one day. Only time I've ever seen Oprah, promise.

RodeoClown said...

Folding fitted sheets.

Ben McLaughlin said...

Oprah,hey, Lairdy? Be careful, it is a slippery slope.

Bonnie said...

Martha always has the answers...

http://www.marthastewart.com/article/how-to-fold-a-fitted-sheet

Simone R. said...

Ben. Ignore the advice givers. Fitted sheets are a satanic invention.

Amy said...

Life is far too short to fold fitted sheets.

(My mum can do it, but frankly I've never seen the point - I fold the whole lot up roughly and stick it all in the matching pillow case...)

onlinesoph said...

I agree with amy. Ball the thing up and stick it back in the cupboard. Then forget about it.

Ben McLaughlin said...

I guess so. But it might be like that Poe story, The Tell-Tale Heart, where some bloke cements a dead guy in a wall, but then is tortured by the sound of a beating heart coming from behind...

..Fold meeee! Foooollld meee!