I Wonder..

..if it would be dumb for me to join twitter.

I actually looked at it for the first time ever today, and just then got as far as the 'Join Today' page.

It looks like a bit of fun, and another good way to waste my time. Both pro's.

Anyone do it? Waste of time?

Four Things That Make Me Exceedingly Happy

1. Jatz with a bit of butter and Vegemite
2. Little e pronouncing 'Vegemite' as 'mudgy-mudgy'
3. Anybody pronouncing the word 'buoy' as 'boo-ee'
4. Writing dumb lists

A Cheerful Heart

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

~Proverbs 17:22

Listening To..

Posting 101

While the World Famous NSW to QLD June Blog-Off was called off, I have still been aiming to put in a big month, and break 100 posts for the first time, and by jimminy, this little engine that could has flaming done it, Valued Reader.

Today is the 30th, and while I'm too ignorant or lazy to know whether June has 30 days or 31, I'm going to rest on my sweet laurels and finish my own personal journey to the top right now, on a whopping 101 posts. Respek.

Four Things That Make Me Angrier Than They Should

1. Trying to pull one tissue from the box and getting seventeen
2. People who get chizzy at you for saying 'soccer' instead of 'football'
3. Finishing the washing up only to discover a dirty baking tray in the oven
4. tYPING WITH THE STUPID CAPS LOCK ON.

A Blind Man And His Dog

While my distaste for dogs and dog owners is well documented (note to self: insert link here), one exception that always warms my heart is the guide dog and the blind person.

I see this bloke get on the bus of a morning with his guide dog, and I love to watch them do their thing. The dog is so calm and smart, and just goes about his business with a funny dead-pan expression on his face, leading the man up the aisle to the same seat on the right, third from the back, every time.

I love then watching the man take off the guiding thing that goes around the dogs' neck, and then patting him and talking to him with gratitude, saying he did a good job. I love watching the connection between them, the steady loyalty of the dog, and the trusting, loving affection of the man in return. Seeing them immediately makes my day.

Quizzles

1. How long since your last visit to the dentist
2. A movie director you like
3. Two things that make you angry
4. A favourite movie
5. A favourite band
6. Autumn or Spring
7. A hero of yours
8. A word you use too much
9. A bad habit of yours
10. Two things that make you happy!

The Duck and The King Of Hearts

It baffles me how some things come into existence. Not even Darwin or Hawking could conjure up or explain the little doozie I saw today though. On the bus this morning we drove past a shop of some kind, and in the window was a woven rug, with a picture worked into it, sort of like a rug that you would hang up on your wall.

Now, there's no way that I'm going to be able to Google up an accompanying picture for this, so I'll just have to weave my magic and paint the picture for you with woidz. Okay, picture this--

The main character in this picture is what appears to be the king from a deck of playing cards. You know the guy; oldish with a grey beard, square shoulders, and a second, upside down head where his legs should rightfully be. Not too strange so far.

Now accompanying this character, is a female, sort of standing behind him, attending to him. She is kind of raunchy looking, holding a towel, and she's sporting sort of bedroomish eyes.

Okay, crunch time. This female character? She's a duck. And she's nude, and is showing a breast. We see a nipple.

To recap- A duck with boobs hanging out with the King of Hearts. Some ideas to ponder in your own time-

1. What the friggin heck?
2. Who weaves a seductive duck with boobs?
3. What sort of sick monarch is this so called King of Hearts?
4. You've hung this piece of art in you shop window? Prithee why, my dear?
5. What the friggin heck?

Even Barbarians..

..Have moved past racial prejudice.

Song Of The Week

'Would?'

Alice In Chains (1992)

Listen~~

Quarrels and High Gates

He who loves a quarrel loves sin;
he who builds a high gate invites destruction.

~Proverbs 17:19

It's A Boy!

Congratulations to Jp and Paige on the safe birth of another little boy!

Michael Jackson Dead

Far out. What sad news.

To be honest, the first thought that went through my head was dread of all the cold and distasteful jokes that will inevitably come from 'comedians'.

He was a very talented bloke, obviously with a lot of issues. I hope eventually he is remembered more for the former, rather than the latter.

Thursday Peanuts

Jeans, Bloody Jeans

This morning I satisfied my curiosity and tried on a pair of skinny jeans.

Results: Sub-par.

Now, believe it or not, I wasn't trying them on in an attempt to reclaim my youth and mix it with the cool Gen Y kids I have such a high opinion of. Really. No, it's just that I cannot bloody find a pair of bloody jeans that bloody fit right. Sorry for the cussing, but honestly, I'm sick of it.

All I want is a narrowish, straightish pair that fits. Not fancy. Not with silly faded bits and on-purpose creases and rips. Just normal bloody pants.

Everyone always recommends to me the 'straight leg' and the 'boot cut', but these never work for me. I have kind of skinny chicken legs, and after a couple of wears, the boot cut that looked okay in the dressing room now look like Hammer pants, with big, wide jodhpur-ish Aladdin flappy bits around the thighs.

So I resorted to the 'skinny' in desperation, but was dismayed to find the results similarly undesirable. As I suspected, I kinda looked like this. Maybe if I was a foot taller, a decade younger and sported 60% less muffin top I may have been able to cut it. But alas, no.

So now I am completely out of jean-options and may just throw in the towel with life in general. Don't try and console me, I'm sulking.

Blues, Blues, Blues.

I went over to my mate's place last night to watch New South Wales get hammered in the State of Origin, and we agreed it was the worst Origin game and Blues team we had ever seen.

Any QLD readers are most welcome to gloat and scoff, because it is very much deserved. The headlines kindly say things like 'Brave Till The End', but really they should say 'Friggin Bog-House Till The End'.

The only one who tried was Jarrod Hayne. And the Maroons, though admittedly a great side, weren't even very impressive, and yet still they trounced us.

Very embarrassing.

Pastor Dad

Mark Driscoll's new book looks worth checking out.

You can read it online here.

I Need A Haircut.

I'm looking a bit Hasselhoff.

How To Look A Bit Less Crap #43

If you run across the road when the little man is red, but then he turns green when you are half way across, making you look foolish in front of the people who waited patiently at the curb for the green man, DON'T STOP RUNNING.

Pretend that you are in a terrible rush, and that that's why you made the dash. Try to frown worriedly, and maybe pull your sleeve up, look at your watch, gasp, shake your head, and then power on down the street. It's the only way.

Another good option is to pretend to talk on your phone, and say something urgent and important like "and whatever you do DON'T touch the green wire".

And No, Clip Art Is Not The Answer.

Ever.

If You Have A Magnifying Glass..

.. Here's a bunch of paintings I've done over the past couple of years..

Shmoppyright

I Google images for my blog but don't ever credit where I got them from.

Is this wrong? Will I one day get my comeuppance? Luckily I am too rebellious and tough to even care. And I've covered my tracks well too.

If the authorities track me down, all the clues will lead them to an abandoned homestead, in North-Western New South Wales. There they will find my calling card, which has a clever, cryptic note on it (which is too clever and/or cryptic to mention here).

Ben McLaughlin isn't even my real name.

At Our Age

"At our age", the doctor said to me the other day, "it's important to get a thorough examination now and again. You should make another appointment soon."

Terrifying words suddenly flashed through my mind.

Only one thing for it, I said to myself. Leave the country.

I Am Legend

I am going to be alone in the office for most of today. I may or may not get up to any number of shenanigans.

Is it silly that this makes me happy? What does it say about you if you get excited about being alone?

Why Are You Angry?

Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.

~Genesis 4:6-7

In The News

Wannabe Honcho: You should resign

Honcho: No, you should resign

Wannabe Honcho: Nuh Uh!

Honcho: Yeah Huh!

T4

Well, saw Terminator Salvation on Friday night.

Hmmm. I enjoyed it at the time, it was fun. Lot's of good robot carnage. But by the next day I gotta say, I was struggling to remember most of what I'd seen. Lots of special effects, not a great deal of substance.

I miss old movies. They don't make them the way they used to. Just not as fun, not as much depth. Not as much Arnie.

I'll give it 2.7 out of 5.

Misty Moderns

We finally got down to see the Misty Moderns exhibition. It was amazing! It completely rekindled my love for painting, and especially, my hero Clarice Beckett. I was so excited to see about 15 of her pictures in the flesh. They were absolutely beautiful.

My Mum and Dad came too, and they helped a lot with the kid wrangling, so it was a really cool experience. I feel really interested again in painting, which is great, as I haven't painted since Christmas.

It also inspired me to get into gear and start work on a second blog, which I'll tell you more about soon. I'm very excited about it..

Song Of The Week

'Love Like Blood'

Killing Joke (1985)

Listen~

Even Barbarians..

..show concern for the well being of their lady-friends.

Breaching A Dam

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

~Proverbs 17:14

Ghost Paraphraser

Hey does anyone watch Ghost Whisperer? It is very bad, and is the poor man's Medium, but I still sometimes end up watching it.

But what annoys me the most about it is the way Jennifer Love-Hewitt paraphrases the ghosts. Okay, she has this gift, and the ghosts come to her to pass on messages to loved ones.

But then she totally makes up something different to tell them. If I were a ghost, I'd feel very jipped. Example--

Ghost: Can you tell Sharon that I loved her and that I never meant to hurt her, and that she was always the apple of my eye.

Ghost Whisperer: He says he mildly tolerated you, most of the time.

Ghost: Don't friggin' paraphrase me, lady.

MasterChef?

Anyone see MasterChef last night? It was a little sad to see Poh leave. She annoyed me a bit, but she was a pretty good cook.

In old news, I missed that episode a few days back when Justine had the cook-off with Matt Moran. She is still there, so I gather she lost, but how did she go?

Also, was that older guy Lucas one of the peeps fast-tracked? There are holes in my viewing. He seemed like a contender to me..

Doctor vs. Chemist- The Smackdown

I came across an interesting dilemma yesterday. Who should you trust more, a doctor or a chemist?

I walked into the chemist with a list of a bunch of stuff the doc told me to get, and the chemist read through the list saying 'he said to get all of these?' Yeah, he did. 'do you think it sounds excessive?', I asked. 'Yes'.

In the end I said I better trust the doctor (mainly because I didn't want to get roused at next time I saw him), and got all the stuff. It's true, it was a lot. Who needs two different nasal sprays? And there goes the girls' college fund.

So did I do the right thing? Should I have ignored the doctor and let the chemist trump him?

Three Cheers For..

..Amoxycillin! I've got my antibiotics, I'm happy.

Work your magic, my small pharmaceutical friends.

T4 Tonight

Me and my bro-in-law Tim are going to see Terminator Salvation tonight. I've heard a bazillion bad things about it, but still, I'm just excited about going to the movies.

And as long as there are some cool robots destroying lots of stuff, well, that will be enough for me.

Thursday Peanuts

Gimme Drugs

Yeah, this is another one of those boring posts to say I'm off work again. Sorry.

Going to the doctor to try and con him into giving me antibiotics so I can finally get over this stupid cold I've had for weeks.

Some Super-Villains Are Kinda Touchy About Their Looks

Rebuke

A rebuke impresses a man of discernment
more than a hundred lashes a fool.

~Proverbs 17:10

The World Is A Crazy Mixed Up Place

Sometimes you don't talk about stuff because you just assume that people agree with you. But then by chance you show your colours and make your views known, and you realise from the baffled faces that your assumptions have been wrong.

My mind has been blown with the discovery that many, many folks believe that Cadbury chocolate is sub-standard, whereas Lindt is the real deal. Lindt? What sort of twisted, nightmarish fantasy world are these people living in? To top it off, these people actually scoffed at me, and looking down their noses, were like, 'Caaad-bury?'

Yes, numbnuts, you bet your britches, Cadbury.

The lovely purple wrapping with the Wonkaesque foil wrapping inside. The rich, full-bodied flavour. The perfect taste, the perfect texture. The wide range of interesting flavours, the pinnacle being fruit and nut. Untouchable.

Lindt, on the other hand, has always been the dud chocolates you got given as presents, that sit in the fridge for six months. You have one when you are truly desperate for a fix. Then you feel a little ashamed. The flavour's not quite right. The texture's all squelchy and wrong. And it's named after something you pull out of your belly button.

But anyway, I must bear with my weaker brethren, so I will leave it there. You eat your horrible chocolate and look down your nose ('it's from Switzerland, you know'), but one day, my friend, the scales will fall from your eyes, and you will see. Oh yes, you will see.

Just Out Of Interest..

..do you say 'na-choes' or 'na-choss'?

Yes, there is a right and wrong answer to this question.

Headlines

Sometimes I wish I didn't read the headlines.

I just get very sad.

Promote Love

He who covers over an offense promotes love,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

~Proverbs 17:9

Ahhhh.

Little e is finally on the mend, so the Macca house is a much happier place as a result. Thank God.

Poor Edie

I gotta say, I was sad to see Edie (probably) die last night. She was a good character.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, probably for the best.

Woo Hoo

The Tige's broke their horrible five game losing streak last night, beating the Eels 23 to 6.

Cool, now we're only a millionth on the ladder. I still have finals hopes.

The Worst Movie Ever

We watched what was essentially the worst movie I have ever seen. August Rush.

Words can't describe how much I loathed this steaming pile of nastiness. Horrible premise, horrible script, horrible directing, horrible, sappy acting. Terrible.

I knew I was in for trouble when the review quote on the cover said 'the feel good movie of the year'. Au contraire.

Time-Out

My Mum and Dad came over and minded the girls for a couple of hours on Saturday so E and I could get out for a bit. It was really great, and helped us to recharge before going back for another round. It's amazing how much a little time-out can do.

We popped over to Haberfield and had a nice meal (big brekky at 3:30pm.. that's the good stuff) and a coffee, and caught up with each other.

Church At Home

We couldn't get to church again, so we had our own church instead. I brought out the guitar and we sung some songs together. Then E read out a psalm, and we prayed a bit.

It was nice.

*cough *cough

Bummer. Another weekend went by of us being too fluey to get down to the exhibition I've been hanging to see.

It ends next weekend, so I'm going to go on Saturday, rain, hail or swine flu.

Don't You Love It When..

..you drop down a belt hole because you've been sick?

Don't You Hate It When..

..the paper ply's are out of alignment and you can't get a neat tear?

Warning

Don't start whistling the Sale Of The Century tune, or you'll get caught in a loop that you can't get out of.

Be warned.

Brrr

The temperature gauge on Parramatta Road this morning said 7 degrees.

Brrr!

A Quick Quiz

1. A sitcom you could watch all day

2. A sitcom you can't watch at all

3. Favourite Queen song

4. Coke or Pepsi

5. A living famous person you'd like to meet

Song Of The Week

'I Just Wasn't Made For These Times'

The Beach Boys (1966)

Listen~

Even Barbarians..

..Hate walking behind smokers.

The Poor

He who mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker;
whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.

~Proverbs 17:5

Rant

I've worked up a bit of a vendetta.

It started out as frustration, now it's a full-blown grudge. My new nemesis? Aldi check-out people. Those jokers are working hard towards getting a well-deserved beat-down.

First offence, they are unfriendly and don't even respond to my polite 'hello'. Second, they scan what I'm buying at twice the necessary speed, their arms flaying madly to get it all scanned ASAP. There's no neat ordering, it all just ends up in a messy pile at the other side. What is the rush?!

Third offence, the other side is so small that there's no room, and your stuff teeters precariously on the edge like a pack of lemmings. E tells me it's not as bad when you have a trolley, but when you are just buying a few things, you are pretty much stuffed.

Then all at once, they ask for the money, ask to check my back-pack, and start scanning the next persons stuff. All at once. Meanwhile the baby wipes are falling on the floor, my change is dropped on the counter, the next customer is tut tutting me, and the rude check-out person just keeps scanning and pushing my stuff over the edge.

BEAT DOWN COMING YOUR WAY!!!

And you know what else? They are the divas of the check-out world. They apparently need a swivel chair to do their scanning. None of this standing up business. And they are also too good for packing. Pack your own bags, you annoying customer. And for the icing on the cake, they are too good to even be a little polite. They are too busy beating their speed record.

Well, you know what? So you have low prices on the seven products that you actually stock. Well big whoop, that's not cutting it for me. The experience is way too stressful for me, I'd rather pay a little more for a bit of service. So there, prima donna check-out person on your fancy swivel chair.

BEAT DOWN!!!

The Lord Tests

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,
but the LORD tests the heart.

~Proverbs 17:3

Thursday Peanuts

.....

I'm at work. In body, not in spirit. Still kinda sick. I feel sorry for E who is stuck at home with two sick kids on her hands.

Sorry for the lack of interesting things to say.

Same Same

Another day off. Lurgie.

Speech Diary

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

~Psalm 51:15

Even Barbarians..

..get stuck doing crap they don't want to do.

Loooooong Weekend

Well, it's been a weird few days. All the days have blended together in my mind- lots of indoors and lots of sickness. It hasn't been the most fun long weekend on record. The thing with two year olds is they don't know to cover their mouths when they cough, hence the rest of us are now sick too.

Still, I had a bit of time out this arvo which was good. Went and had a coffee, and came out of a second-hand shop in Summer Hill with ten 70's Conan comics for ten bucks. Awe-Sum.

little i

35 Weet-Bix

My friend was telling me the other night he ate 35 Weet-Bix in one sitting, to break his previous record of 31. He fasted before-hand and didn't need to eat for some time afterwards.

I think I'm going to ask him to be my life mentor.

The Heart and The Lips

A wise man's heart guides his mouth,
and his lips promote instruction.

~Proverbs 16:23

Marley and Me

We watched this the other night. I was actually pleasantly surprised-- while I thought I would probably hate it from looking at the cover, it was really not too bad, and I kind of liked it.

Both of the main actors were likable, and it was made well, with a good script and a good story. I kind of identified with Owen Wilson's character. The portrayal of life with newborns was pretty spot-on too.

Cabin Fever

Another stay at home day, with little e still pretty miserable. Sad that we couldn't make it to church.

Was it a good service?

Sunday Spurgeon

'It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.'

Tetris

Cool Google logo today celebrating 25 years of Tetris.

Anger

It's embarrassing to admit, but I struggle so much with a bad temper, especially at home. I feel pretty crap about it today. It's not a case of turning violent or shouting, it's more a quiet, seething rage.

It gets triggered so easily and quickly, and really it's pretty pathetic. The smallest things can bring so much unwarranted anger, and when I cool down I snap out of it and think to myself, man, you were angry about that? After the heat of the moment it all seems so unnecessary.

This is something that I need to do a lot of work on. There's so much in Proverbs about the fool who can't control himself, and the wise man who has patience and is not easily angered. I'd love to become that second guy.

Dissension and Separation

A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends.

~Proverbs 16:28

Even Barbarians Get Emotional From Time To Time

I know, big fella, I know. She was a keeper.

Fun On Hold

The fun outings will have to wait--Little e is pretty crook. She's got bad conjunctivitis and a nasty cough. Poor old thing.

We are going to take her out now for a ride on her new bike, because it's a nice sunny morning, but that might have to be it for the day.

Song Of The Week

'Bought By Blood'


Deliverance (1990)


Listen~~


To try and edify myself a little more I've been searching about for old Christian metal that doesn't suck too much. Deliverance are the best I've found so far. I like the 80's thrash sound of this, even if it was made in 1990. And I love the cover too.

Honeycomb

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

~Proverbs 16:24

Long Weekend:)

Well, Friday is here again. It's a lovely day outside. Awesome that it's a long weekend, and my boss just asked if I wanted Tuesday off as well! Yissuh, I buleeves ah do!

What have you got lined up? Our weekend is looking nice and not too busy. Catching up with some friends tomorrow night, and church on Sunday, but apart from that not much else.

What about you?

Misty Moderns

Hopefully on the weekend we will make it down to the Shire to see the Australian Tonalism exhibition, Misty Moderns that I wrote about last year (hither and thither), with paintings by my hero, Clarice Beckett.

It should be amazing.

Thursday Peanuts

Trivia!

Who's this 80's pop singer?

You Gotta Love A Work Lunch

To farewell a girl from work we are going out for Japanese today.

I hope it's one of those restaurants that kills chickens by making snakes bite them on the neck. Yum, venom.

Lowly

Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed
than to share plunder with the proud.

~Proverbs 16:19

Hobbies

I go through periods of obsession, where I get into something, and that's all I want to do or think about. Then in an instant I lose interest and obsess about something else.

Are you like that, or do you stay interested in something for a long time?

Right now my dual obsessions are 80's thrash metal and Conan comics. And actually, they go together very well, kinda like strawberries and cream.

But while these things are very awesome, I worry that these may be two of the less edifying, unuseful, solitary hobbies I've had in recent times. It may be a bit of a relief if the obsession wains.

Speech Diary

Yesterday I had my last monthly speech therapy session for a while. It was okay, and got me a little bit out of my doldrums and defeatist attitude.

I think I'm feeling a bit of relief that I don't have to prove myself to them in a months time, and feel the pressure of showing that I've made progress. I guess that's not really a good relief.

In a month there is going to be a booster day, where anyone who has done the treatment before can come and get a 'top-up'. I think that will be good. Then hopefully in August I'll be able to do this on-line cognitive development program to work on the psychological side of it all.

Arrrggghhh. It's a tough old road, this thing, that's for sure.

De-Whooped

While we were at the doc's yesterday I decided to splurge and get myself that whooping cough vaccination I've been coveting. You gotta treat yourself now and then.

As you would definitely know, I'm a very masculine kind of man, but I hate needles. I had to close my eyes and go to my happy penguin cave in order to not look like a blouse in front of my wife and kids.

State Of Origin

Watched Origin last night with a mate. Rough going. I thought New South Wales would probably lose, but I thought they would look a bit better than they did. Still, not a bad fight back in the second half.

I'll be chizzy if the selectors change the players for game two because they lost. Better to give the team time to gel.

Little E At The Wiggles Concert