Guest Post- Russell

Hi. I'm Russell Crowe.

You might know me from such motion picture film movies as Gladiator and Robin Hood. Includingly or alternatively, you might know me as The World's Greatest Actor, as GQ calls me on their latest cover.

Shucks.

As you might know, I am a method actor. This means, I imagine something, and then pretend to do that thing. Don't worry if you don't understand, not many do.

Now, most film scripts require that I brood and sulk a lot, for the majority a movie. So, here I bring in the method acting. I close my eyes and imagine the Bunnies are losing again (which doesn't take a lot of imagining), and then open my eyes. This, kids, is acting.

But within this niche, there are a lot of subtle variations, applicable for each and every situation. Here are some of my favourite faces, that you may like to emulate (or attempt to) in your own time--

This is me brooding

This is me brooding with long hair

This is me brooding, while being pensive

Brooding with glasses

Brooding with an equation

Brooding in a skirt tough gladiator garb

Brooding in front of a long ship

And my latest, brooding with a bow and arrow.

Now, because I'm among friends, I'm going to unveil something new I've been working on for a month of Sundays. An acting-face that is so edgy it defies categorisation. Very occasionally a script will ask me to do something other than brooding. And that, folks, is when I unleash this badboy--

I know. Good isn't it. Another gun in my arsenal. Do you want to know what it is? Smiling, while brooding. And wearing sun glasses. Yes. Epic.

I'm not sure yet whether to call it the Smoodtm or the Briletm.

The Quiz

1. Favourite pizza topping
2. The iPad is now available. Excited?
3. Are you one of those annoying people who squeezes toothpaste from the top of the tube?
4. Are you tempted to chuck a sickie when it rains?
5. Abbreviate your past two weeks into a sentence.

A Changed Man

Well, it's nice to be writing here again. I feel nice and re-energised and enthusiastic. I hope you are all going well.

It's been a funny old week or two for me. Lots of various worries and exhausting things going on, but hopefully a small corner has been turned with the start of this new week.

This past week could pretty much be summed up with one word. Vomit. The kids got sick last Tuesday, and it's pretty much continued on since then. Just as it looked like ending, I got it on the weekend.

Avert your eyes if you're eating, but let me talk nuts and bolts with you. There is a big, big, big difference between kids vomiting and adults vomiting- a difference that maybe wouldn't occur to you until you're in the middle of it (literally speaking), but a difference that magnifies the issue to colossal proportions. This difference is placement.

Adults know where to go. They sense imminent trouble, and act accordingly. A bag. A bucket. A toilet. The threat looms, and they take control. Mostly.

But kids have none of this self-awareness. One minute they are happy as Larry, having a play, doing a drawing, having a snooze, sitting on Dad's lap. The next second, whoah, hey, what's this? A deep well-spring unleashed.

So, to save you the gory details, let's just say the past week has involved the considerable tarnishing of the following:

-several sets of sheets
-1 doona, child sized
-1 doona, queen sized
-1 valance
-1 curtain
-1 pillow
-2 mattresses
-1 rug
-1 dolly
-3 cushions
-1 high chair
-large surface area of floor
-many towels
-many hand towels
-1 set of drawers
-2 parents

And now? Well, I feel different, friends. Older. Sullied. Changed, somehow. I have come face to face with unspeakable things. This world may never look quite the same again.

Guest Post- Amy

How To Go To Ikea and Survive To Tell The Tale

By Amy

The 45 minute drive to that giant blue and yellow dome of Allen-keyed monstrosities has deterred many a braver soul than mine, however, at the request of my little sister, my family braved the journey. We were a man down: my husband had claimed assignment writing injuries – so it was just four of us venturing forward with heavy hearts.

It was on this solemn journey that my sister and I hit upon how to survive Ikea-land, with all its 2.5km of snares and traps: What would Bear do?

...

Dropped by air into the centre of the Ikea-maze - how will Bear get out this time? Pull out the guts of the Karstad sofa to sleep in… Scavenge Glimma candles for light and warmth… Crawl commando-style through the terrifying kitchen section of soft-close drawers and pregnant couples with sunglasses on their heads… Scale the wall of Evert stools with a Juliet curtain only to find the cruelty of the barred exit where the outside world can be glimpsed, yet is blocked by the 'This Door is Alarmed' sign (alarmed by what? Bear wonders)… Distract the wailing children with a swift application of Rattus toys… Commandeer a flat bed trolley to navigate the treacherous waters of the soft furnishings section… Dodging the overladen trolleys and frantic fights of the discount section to the check-out aisles, Bear avoids the siren-call of the meatball and escapes! Light! Air! Victory! 57 small items you have no real use for!

...

Who needs the Sahara or the Siberian wilderness? Bear Vs Ikea would be the true measure of a man…

Opportunity Knocks (Carpe Bloggum)

I'm having another week off, sorry friends.

If any of you feel the urge to fill this not-very-gaping void, it'd be awesome to have some guest posts. It can be anything, a one line joke, a photo, a million-word thesis. Or all or none of the above.

Send stuff to bmclaughlin AT sstar DOT AU

Thanks Nathan for defending the righteous cause (mature grown-ups vs. gnarly youths) in the guest post below.

Go on. Have a crack, I dare ya.

Guest Post- Nathan

Put A Cap On It: Millinery Evolution

By Nathan

I was at the shops yesterday, and a teenage boy lost his mum. I know he was a teenage boy because he was wearing a cap. It was not the cap itself that gave it away, it was the angle of its brim.

If I were Ben, this paragraph would be replaced with a diagram of a boy wearing a cap with its brim pointed to the sky.

I remember wearing a cap when I was a lad, I stopped when bucket hats became standard school fair (it was a bucket hat or a legionaries cap, and while practical they were the millinery equivalent of a mullet). When I wore caps the coolness of a cap wearer was directly proportional to the angle folded in the middle of the brim. Curves were cool, 90 degree folds were rebellious. This could be represented by a mathematical expression.

If I were Ben this would be figure 2.0, a frontal perspective of a hip teenage boy wearing a folded cap, with dotted lines to indicate different folds and levels of coolness.

Like all fashion cap brims are evolving to the point of stupidity. Fashion is an evolutionary aberration, an anomaly. While we become more complex and capable, it becomes stupider. There was a time, a couple of years ago, when a teenage friend informed me that cap brims were to be kept flat, on no account were they to be folded. Keeping the brand's sticker was grounds for further kudos. And so, a generation of cap wearers walked around looking like a highly evolved duck, with a brim for a beak. This, at the very least, maintained some semblance of practicality. A flat brim, at the right time of day, casts the optimal amount of shadow on one's features. They were, at one point, to be worn pointing in different directions. I'm not sure if the direction was determined by the position of the sun, but this would at least be practical.

The teenager I saw yesterday, lost in a shopping centre (he paged his mum over the loudspeaker - what a wimp), wore his brim flat, but tipped upwards at 45% (or higher, I must admit to not having carried my protractor with me). This is completely impractical from a sun safety perspective (unless you have a large nose and stand with the sun directly to your rear). It also looks dangerously silly. Perhaps it is a form of natural selection. Those who choose to wear their hats in such a manner will develop horrible sun spots, which will limit their ability to attract a partner and they will not reproduce.

So I say, teenager, if the cap fits. Wear it.

A Break

Hey friends,

I'm going to have to take a bit of a sabbatical, I'm afraid.

I'll be back.

Born Christian?

I was reading my Bible on the train this morning and the guy next to me struck up a conversation. He was a Christian too, and we had a brief chat. He was a Catholic.

Trying to think of something to say, I asked how long he'd been a Christian, and he was kind of taken aback, and a bit offended and said, 'no, I was born Christian- I've been Christian since birth'. He then asked if I was Anglican, and I said yes, and he said, 'well, it doesn't matter, so long as we both believe in Christ'.

Hear, hear.

Afterwards, I got thinking a bit about it though. I hadn't realised that my question could be offensive. What had offended him? Doesn't there need to be a time when you say 'okay, I accept that Jesus is lord, not me'? I guess my take on it, is that if you have Christian parents and they raise you Christian, for the time being you are 'covered' by their faith, but there then comes a time when you need to make the call for yourself.

In my own life, I'd look back and say, I was covered as a kid, but as a teenager went away from that, not really acknowledging that God had much say over my life. At the time I would've said I was a Christian, but now I'd say that I wasn't. The missing ingredient was Jesus. Then I'd say I had a gradual return to God, and acceptance of Jesus as my saviour, when I was about 18 or 19.

Do you agree with that, or do you think I've got it a bit wrong? Can you be born a Christian?

Partay

We are getting all sorted for a big birthday bash tomorrow, a combined 1st and 3rd for the kiddo's. E has been a champ, baking a stack of stuff this week, and last night I made about a million meatballs.

I make a good meatball, I have to say. I've got it sorted now so they don't fall apart when you cook them. It's all about the right ratio of eggs, Weet-Bix, bread crumbs and finely grated carrot.

Anyway, we are doing our best to not be stress-heads about the party, and just try and go with the flow and enjoy it.

Lionherated and Lamblike

Two really good John Piper talks about being a Christian husband.

Part 1 and part 2.

'The simplest way to see this (that a husbands' submission and servanthood does not contradict his leadership and headship) is to remember that Jesus himself bound himself with a towel and got down on the floor and washed this disciples’ feet (the bridegroom, serving the bride), but not for one minute did any of the apostles in that room doubt who the leader was in that moment.'

It's Cold

My face hurts.

Thursday Peanuts

I've got a bunch of big things on my mind, which I guess is why I haven't been posting much. When things are too big to post about, it's difficult to then write about 'smaller' subjects, if you know what I mean.

On the upside, I really have a strong sense of God's hand right now. I really see His loving provision, and feel Him working through life. Never in the ways you expect, but working all the same, and in ways far more perfect and effective than I could ever hope to formulate with my little brain.

God is good.

I'll Eat You Up

Little e's been pretty clingy with me lately, which has been kind of nice in a way.

She says 'don't go to work, Daddy, I want you to stay with me'. Or she quotes Where The Wild Things Are and says 'please don't go, or I'll eat you up.'

This morning she was upset when I was leaving, and so I said I'd give her a call. She said she'd pull me back out through the phone if I left.

So, as I was walking to the station, She called me, and E said she was shaking the phone upside down, trying to get me to fall out.

It's nice to be wanted.

Pound Pound Pound

I had a headache most of yesterday and last night. Not migraine strength, but strong enough to make the whole day pretty difficult.

I've had this a bit recently, and it feels the same as when I needed to get reading glasses, so I'm thinking I might need to go and get the old peepers checked up again. Rats. I'm deteriorating!

The Quiz

1. Where were you, and what were you doing 20 years ago?
2. Next movie you hope to see
3. What are you going to have for lunch?
4. An achievement from childhood you're proud of
5. An achievement from adulthood you're proud of

The Book Dumpster

I was both horrified and excited this morning, when walking to the station I came across a massive dumpster full of old books. Horrified at the thought of books going to the tip, and excited at stumbling upon such a treasure trove.

They were mostly related to Christian stuff, including commentaries and things like that. Also a lot of philosophy stuff, mathematics stuff and some Shakespeare and other plays. The top layer was a bit wet from the nights' dew, but mostly everything was in pretty good condition.

As I stood by this rubbish dumpster with passers-by giving me strange looks, I amassed arm-fulls of stuff to take. But then I contemplated holding these arm-fulls on the train. And I also heard E's voice in my head: 'we're trying to get rid of stuff, not get more stuff'.

Rats.

So I put them all back, and just took two- a couple of William Barclay commentaries. It hurt, because I could've pretty much gotten the whole set.

Man. Who throws books in a dumpster?

Even Barbarians..

..friggin' hate paper-cuts

Song Of The Week

So sue me, I like Hole.

I'll happily argue with anyone who says Courtney Love is talentless. 'Live Through This' is one of the best albums of the 90's, and it's songs as direct and interesting as those off it's contemporaries, like 'Nevermind' and 'Siamese Dream'.

I like Courtney's voice too. She sounds a bit like a raspy Stevie Nicks, and she's got one of the best female rock screams-- Some day you will ache like I ache!

'Doll Parts'

Hole (1994)

Listen~

These Painters Are Making Me Nervous

So, the painters are one day in at our place. It's making life a bit difficult, especially for E, who has to entertain the kids all day away from the house.

Not to be uncharitable (well, maybe to be a bit uncharitable), but I can't help wondering how professional these fellas are. Mental note: Don't always go for the cheapest quote.

Yesterday they painted the kitchen ceiling, and a bit later, big chunks started peeling off. It certainly ain't no Sistine Chapel. Now, I'm no expert, but instinct tells me to wait until spac filler is dry before applying paint. Maybe give that a go this time, fellas.

And then there's the not-so-cheap circular, fluorescent globe in the kitchen that mysteriously fell to the ground and smashed. They had nothing to do with it, apparently. They were in a another room when it 'just fell'. Hmm. Sounds like Mr Nobody's been up to his tricks again.

I think I got off on the wrong foot with these guys when the first thing one of them said to me was 'well, first of all, a cup of coffee- can you make me one?'. One word, champ: Thermos.

Anyways, at least they came back this morning. I was half expecting them to do a runner with the down-payment. Ah, good times at the McLaughlin house.

Fashun

Deep down I knew there was something missing from my wardrobe.

Sure, it looks silly now. But by this time next year, we're totally going to be wearing this.

Thursday Peanuts

More Sound Logic

Laying in bed yesterday, I got stuck watching The View, that painful show where a bunch of annoying women (not least of all Whoopi Goldberg) yell over each other for an hour.

They got talking about abortion, and started spouting the usual 'no one has the right to tell a woman what to do with her body' kind of stuff.

Then Whoopi got on her high horse and said something along the lines of 'some people aren't ready to become a parent, and if they have the child they might abuse it in some way, so it's better to abort in those circumstances'. Everyone clapped at this marvelous wisdom.

Think how ridiculous that logic is. Spare the kid the pain, by killing it. The kid might be treated badly, so we should murder it before that happens. Um..

I might get a paper cut, which would hurt. So I should hack my hand off now with a saw, to spare myself the pain. Good thinking.

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend.

Sorry it's a bit quiet-- was off sick yesterday, and am a bit behind the 8 ball today. I'd probably be layed up in bed still this morning, except we have painters in doing our unit. It would be awkward.

Anyways, I'll get there.

Life's Little Disappointments

I just drank a Sanitarium 'liquid breakfast' thingo- banana and honey flavoured. The little picture showed thick, golden honey splashing over honey comb and banana chunks.

It tasted like those horrible banana lollies marinated in soy milk.

Things are never as good as you think they are going to be.

God Has More Glory Than Your Beliefs

I highly recommend listening to The Gospel and Your Self, a talk by Tim Keller.

I've listened to it a couple of times and have found it really helpful and insightful.

An idea Keller explores (as he goes through the calling of Isaiah), is that of turning God a concept, into God the reality. He says that the word 'glory' literally means 'weight', and that when something encounters something of more 'weight' than itself, it 'quakes'.

'God as a concept is lighter than you. When you bring God as a concept into your life, you shape it. It fits in around your existing patterns.. it doesn't 'quake' you. If you believe in God, and it just hasn't changed you very much, it's just a concept. A God concept can't really change your beliefs around, it just fits in with your existing beliefs.

..God as a reality is heavier than you. When the real God comes into your life, when you get into the presence of the real God, things give way in your life, to His glory. Things that you've always believed, and that you believe very, very deeply are changed by His word, because God has more glory than your beliefs.'

Yawn

Most over-covered song ever in the history of the universe:

Hallelujah.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Driving home from seeing friends yesterday arvo, Little e asked 'is it night time now?'.

E said, 'no it's not night time yet, it's twilight.'

'Toilet?', asked Little e.

Telling, very telling.

The Quiz

1. Something you're looking forward to today
2. Something you're not looking forward to today
3. A movie you thought you wouldn't like, but did
4. Best thing you've bought on ebay
5. Favourite show at the moment

The Weekend

Had a good weekend with the girls. Everything felt a bit more manageable. A lot of this is down to getting a reasonable nights' sleep for the past week. It's been great.

I miss being at home when I'm not there. Sometimes I get a bit resentful of work, and having to spend all the prime hours of the day away from my family. It's a bit of a weird system. You have to work to support a family, but this means you get to spend only an hour or two with them a day.