Let Them Eat Toast

Why is it that raisin toast takes about four seconds to toast, far quicker than normal bread? I took two slices to work, put them in the toaster, turned my head for a mere moment, only to turn back and see trails of smoke coming from the toaster. And why on the other hand, do crumpets take an eternity to toast? You could read War and Peace with time to spare in the time it takes to brown one of those suckers.

FACT: I read in a scientific journal just now that if you had a big enough crumpet to shield you, you could actually get within spitting distance of the sun without even breaking a sweat. Hard to believe, but true.