The Bus Stop

For some annoying reason, people always want to talk to me at bus stops. Every where I go, someone wants to tell me there life story. I have tried everything to avoid this. Dark sunglasses. Reading. Headphones. Spitting. But nothing works.

Is it that I don't look threatening? People don't go up and talk to threatening people. I thought I looked at least a little bit tough-- especially when I had my goatee the other week. I guess I will have to try harder. Maybe I could get a tattoo of a bar code on my neck. No sane person starts a friendly chat with someone who has a bar code on their neck, surely. Or perhaps I could stop bathing and paint some boils on my skin. That should give me a bit of a buffer zone.

This morning it happened again. Let me set the scene. I am at the bus stop, half asleep. It is 6:30am and the sun isn't even up. It is freezing. There is one other woman, probably in her mid- thirties, at the bus stop. We haven't made any eye contact.

I reach into my bag to get my scarf (yeah, that one), and as I am putting it on, the lady says, "You won't be cold now!". I smile and say "No". End of conversation. Fast forward one minute later, and I know her name, that she is divorced, has a daughter, that her ex is a good father but a bad husband, that she goes to tafe, works as a chef, and is of Indian- Fijian descent. So much information, and I have done nothing to encourage it. Now, don't get me wrong, she was a nice lady. But still. Do I need to know this stuff? It's 6:30. The moon is still out. I am not ready for a meet and greet until at least high noon.

Then came the part that I hate the most. The bus came, and suddenly all these rules of etiquette come in to play. Do I say goodbye (or cheerio, as the case may be) before the bus stops, and end it there? She hasn't stopped talking long enough for me to do that. I have to be polite and let her on first, so I can't just leg it up to the back seat where I usually sit.

She gets on first, and sits down. Do I have to sit next to her? She's made room for me to do so. Or can I just smile and keep walking up to my usual seat? On the spot, I decide on a compromise, and sit on the seat opposite her. Not rude, and (unfortunately) still in talking distance.

She talks a little more, and when conversation dries up there's a little awkwardness. Can I get my book out and read yet? I give it five minutes to not seem rude, before taking it out. Very carefully and subtly I edge my way away from the aisle side of the seat and towards the window, and ever so slowly raise my book. At last, a safe buffer.

Now I need to get me one of those Groucho Marx disguises for tomorrow morning.