Over the past twenty-four hours I have felt really weighed down with feelings of bitterness. It is sort of irrelevant what has sparked this, but to put it broadly, it has been aimed towards other people; feeling angered or hurt by them.In the back of my Bible is a helpful reference list, and there were several passages listed under "What to read when you are tempted to be bitter". I read through them on the bus, and prayed about it, and now feel a whole lot better about things. God's word is amazingly powerful in that way. One passage that moved me was this-
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before You.
Yet I am always with You; You hold me by Your right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
--Psalm 73:21-26
It is sobering to see yourself for what you have been- a brute beast. I got to thinking about a strange irony that happens when you stray from God, to follow your own senses and knee-jerk reactions.
It feels like freedom to not feel constricted by love, to not have to love people if you don't want to. To hold on to a grudge if you want to. It feels like freedom, because you are in control, and are not 'following orders'. But the irony, is that this kind of freedom is the most constricted, the most weighed-down and enslaved that you can be. When I am living this way, I feel unable to stop. I am overwhelmed totally by these emotions, and the effects are all negative.
The flip side is obedience to God, which to our sinful natures initially feels like constriction and boundaries, not freedom. But strangely, this is when we are completely and purely free. What greater peace have you ever felt then when you have chosen to forgive, and let an offence go?
Right now, I am trying to live under obedience, and yet I feel far more free and at peace than when I was taking control of things yesterday.
3 comments:
Nope. Still nothing very meaningful to say, except that what you write is just so true. There is something deliciously wicked in harbouring grudges, and fancying that no-one really understands and it's all justified etc etc, but it's so soul destroying ... and nobody will suffer for it more than yourself.
So, yes, hear! hear! to the above and letting Christ set you free from bitterness ...
Lewis once said, "creatures like us actually find hatred such pleasure that to give it up is like giving up beer or tobacco...". I, for one, love holding onto a grudge. I dwell on it and turn it over and over in my head til I decide that this 'person' really does not deserve forgiveness from me. It is true that the so-called 'freedom' we have when we are seeped in bitterness is no real freedom at all; but we are in fact giving in to the Enemy. When I get to that stage, it is THEN that God humbles me and reminds me that there is nothing to love about myself either. Then He is able to take away all the bitterness and it feels like an infection being drained.
AY
Thanks guys, I concur with what you both said. 'An infection being drained' Ewww! Good description of what it's like though.
Post a Comment