I was talking to a friend the other day, about the importance of keeping up friendships. What I have found, to some extant since I got married, but to a much larger extent since we had a baby, is that you wake up one day and realise you don't see anyone anymore, one on one, like the old days.I think this might be a particular problem for guys with kids. Say E has been with little e all day, it only seems right and fair that she should go out with friends some evenings, for a break. So maybe it is less hard for her to sustain these other friendships.
But with me, I haven't seen little e all day, so to then go out after work with a mate, brings up feelings of guilt, firstly because I won't then see my kid for that whole day or night, and secondly because E will be solely looking after her not only all day, but all evening. It doesn't seem very fair.
So this presents a real conundrum, I think, because it is still important for me to try and maintain these other friendships too. The guilty feelings come from me, not from E, so it's not like she's keeping me from going out. It's just that I feel bad about it. I guess it just has to be a balance thing, something that you think about and try to come up with a compromise for.
I am really curious about how other guys have dealt with this, as I have never really heard anyone talk about it, and I certainly wasn't anticipating it.
Any words of wisdom?
2 comments:
Perhaps a certain amount of contentment presents itself in a situation such as yours and the need to go out and socialise drops right down the list of priorities..
Good mates (not you and I, no way) will always be mates andit should be apprecaited that it becomes the norm to not have time to deal out willy nilly....
However. I do feel it is important to contribute something towards the maintenance of said relationships, if not, just to maintain ones sense of self in amongst the family rabble..
I made a commitment to get over there for a coffee weeks ago. I don't get chastised for not making it, its just accepted and understood..maybe we do need to take the time to do these things,eh? I can honestly say that i don't feel like i know you any less than I did when we saw each other every day. (This fact alone probably makes you happy!) I think if our friendship hadn't developed to where it was that might be the case. We probably shouldn't take these things for granted though.
Ready to have a go on that board?
Yep, I agree with you. One thing I would say about having a blog is that, yes I feel like I share myself a fair bit with people, but at the same time, am I taking the time to know them? Another problem is that I get stuff off my chest here, and so then don't make enough effort to talk to confide in people in person, or on the phone, and to in turn find out about what's going on for them. It can become an easy way out for someone like me who finds the actual act of talking hard work.
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