Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Friday, September 12, 2008


I get annoyed by bad casting in movies. One character is meant to be related to another character, and yet the actors look nothing alike. I happened to be painfully subjected to a chick flick the other day, and Claire Danes and Sarah Jessica Parker were supposed to be sisters. Sorry, but that's not going to work.

I spent the whole movie looking at SJP's distinctive jawline (it is very sharp, and starts way up at the bottom of her ears). Nothing like Clare Danes. Nothing like either of the parents either. Now, my point is, that may have been a fantastic movie (well, not really, but go with me here), but I was way too distracted by actor choice to follow the plot.

If I was in charge, it would all be much better. Okay, now check out this plot scenario that I have carefully crafted:

We follow the lives of a mother and daughter, the laughter and the tears, the heartache and not heartache. The mother is, say, in her fifties, and is a bit uptight and straight laced, and gets frustrated with her adult daughter, who is freewheelin', funlovin' and takes after her no-good father who walked out when she was a child.

You with me so far? Reaching for the tissues? Okay, now, out of the blue enters the mothers' estranged sister, who is even more crazy and freewheelin'. Why has she come back? Is there a sad secret to be revealed in the second half of the movie? I'd say so.

The daughter becomes close with the aunt, making the mother jealous. "Why did you come back?" "Are you trying to take my only daughter from me?" Drum roll....

"I only have three months to live"

And you know the rest.

But to get to my point, which is that I would be very awesome at casting, check out my actor choices, and be impressed and pretty much blown away:

Mother- Dianne Wiest

Daughter- Rene Zellweger

Aunt- Bette Midler

You're speechless aren't you. That's okay. Now, the movie would be called something good like The Ties That Bind, or more edgily, just Three. My personal choice though is, Three To Tango. I have mocked up a cover for you. As you can see, I am a very busy man.


Pedro said...

There already is a movie called three to tango and it is about a women who falls in love with a guy her boyfriend brought onto the scene to watch out for her (or some such scenario).
Plageurism (?) is not awe inspiring, you were just hoping no one had seen the other movie right...

Don't quit your day job casting man.
Good job on the look alike actresses though. Only thing is, Bette is a heffer and the other two aren't. Genes are an unpredictable thing though eh?

I liked the family Stone. You pinched the ending of that too for your magnificent new storyline / plot....mmmm?

How gorgeous is Rachel mcAdams though. I watch that movie again and again just to see her....Sarah who?

Ben McLaughlin said...

i love that there is really a movie called Three to Tango, and that you have actually seen it..

I also like that you knew which movie I was talking about. You really are quite the chick-flick connoisseur, my friend.

okay, I'll amend my plot for you. The aunt returns and says to rene 'I am your mother'. There you go, happy now? I can see you lunging for the tissue box already.

Ben McLaughlin said...

and at least give me props for my hot poster work

Pedro said...

Poster work rocks!!!

Actually THAT plot is a real one..

Yes, I'll admit it, i love a good chick flick. keeps me in touch with my feminine side. (cough).gay.

Are we gonna see HB2 or what?

Ben McLaughlin said...

i'm super keen but can't for a couple of weeks..

kristina said...

I know what you mean- here are my favorite and least fav casting choices. Kiera Knightly was a terrible fit for Guinevere in the King Arthur movie but I really liked Ashley Judd and Ellen Burstyn in the Ya Ya Sisterhood one (they played the same woman at diferent ages).

Ben McLaughlin said...

Yeah good call Kristina. Actually I think Kiera Knightly is a bad fit for most roles... I'm not a big fan. She's like a poor man's Natalie Portman.

And not that I watch many chick flicks (I swear), but when you mentioned Ashley Judd, I remember she played Nat Portmans mum (or 'mom' to you) in some soppy movie, and they actually could pass as mother and daughter. Good casting.

Anonymous said...

I laughed and laughed. Awesome Ben :)
Keep up the paying out of chick flicks!