Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Tough Questions- Nuts

As you would know, here on the Vanishing Point we tackle the big issues. Some might say that I am the Naomi Robson or Anna Coren of the blog world, always keeping abreast with the issues that face our culture.

In keeping with this tradition, I have a difficult question to put to you. Here it comes, you may want to read over it a few times to let it sink in before you answer.

How would you, valued reader rank; from highly preferably, to leastly likable; the different species of nut and/or legumes in your standard bag of mixed nuts?

I will lead the way, and give you my preferences. At the top definitely is the cashew. No nut compares to the cashew. The flavour is exquisite, the shape interesting. A nut for the refined palate.

In second place comes the almond. A very sound nut. With an interesting outer layer, and strong nuttish flavour, it has worked hard for it's silver medal.

Coming in third is the nut that we all take for granted. It's always around so you forget to attribute it with it's rightful and deserving honours. But the peanut is a good nut. Dependable, trustworthy, good. A friend that will be there in the hard times.

We now reach more uncertain territory. For me, it's all downhill from here. The names escape me, the flavours offend me, the shapes annoy me. This will be a controversial call to make, but I don't rate the macadamia. I have no time for it, and it's just as well it rarely makes it into the standard nut mix. Then there is the round annoying ones (Brazil?) and the silly shaped ones (pecans, walnuts).

And then way down at the bottom of the list is the nasty unnamed nut. The nut that has no right to be in that packet. It's always left for last. It takes up too much space. It's weight adds unnecessary dollars to your bill. What the heck is that stupid nut anyway? Do you know the one I mean? It is that massive one that's about fourteen times the size of it's peers. Giant. Offensive. Tasteless. A waste of space. It's the equivalent of the dried paw paw in the muesli mix that pretends to be apricot. Bluuurgh. Or the lolly banana in the party mix. Evil.

That is Vanishing Point for this evening. Tomorrow-- what grocery stores are using neighbourhood dogs to stack the shelves after hours? You will be surprised at just who is participating in dog labour. And we talk a woman who says her neighbours are in fact alien cult leaders. These exclusives tomorrow.


Pedro said...

bored brethra?

Ben McLaughlin said...

on the contrary. there's nothing boring about hard-hitting investigative journalism.

Guthers said...

Finally! Someone willing to tackle the big issues...

I agree with you on the big nuts (I think they are the brazil nuts) a waste of space, time, energy, etc.

However, I must contend with your point about Macadamias. King of the nuts in my opinion. It doesn't go well in a bag of mixed nuts because, frankly, it shouldn't be associating with the lasser nuts.

I am ambivalent towards the rest.

Can I also add, that anything that is not a nut has no place in a bag of mixed nuts? No dried fruit, nowierd cracker things.

Thanks for raising this Anna.

Ben McLaughlin said...

Guthers, you raise several interesting points. Thankyou for clarifying-- yes I mixed up the Hazelnut (ie the one that tastes like nutella) with the nasty Brazil.

Secondly, you follow your own king if you like. As long as it doesn't invade my common nut mix, we're both happy.

Thirdly, agreed about those weird coloured cracker things. What the heck are those things? But happily welcome saltanas or apricots into the mix. As hard as it is to hear, some dried fruits are more deserving of nut rights than some nuts.

Leanne said...

Ok, here it is from the dietitian.
Firstly by taste, which is more important by far:
1. Almond
2. Peanut
3. Hazelnut
4. Cashew
5. Macadamia
6. Brazil
7. Walnut
8. Pecan

Secondly, by how good they are for you:
1. Walnut
2. Almond
3. Hazelnut
4. Cashew, Peanut, Pecan
5. Macadamia
6. Brazil (see, they are evil)

Ben McLaughlin said...

Woah, woah, woah!

Cashew in fourth place? In what crazy alternate universe does the hazelnut beat the cashew. Leanne, I am outraged.

But I take courage to hear that Brazil nuts are way down on the bottom rung for nutrition. And stay there, you nasty giant nut.

lu said...

Finally, some really important, life-changing issues we can all sink our teeth into! (sorry for the bad pun there) Who cares that the world economy is apparently going to h**l in a handbasket! Let's talk nuts!

and then all the rest....

Sorry, Ben, the cashew definitely ranks low on my list - unless of course it is smothered in carmel and chocolate!

Ben McLaughlin said...

It worries me that people hold so little regard for the cashew. I think you are all needing some education on the finer things in life. Caramel and chocolate. Well, I never.

Colinmac said...

I think the top of the list should be the Benjamin Nut - probably the biggest nut of all. You definitely have a problem.

Ben McLaughlin said...

tough but fair, Dad.