Being a father is bloody hard.
Last night I got pretty despondent, and woe-is-me-ish about it. It often feels to me like I try hard to be a good dad, and then some time in the day, usually at the end, when I'm tired and out of patience, I lose the plot.
This then feels like all the good stuff of the day is written off, and it's another failed day, where I have to think 'oh well, tomorrow is a new day'. But then the next day is the same.
What does this look like practically for me? The good stuff is when I try hard to be patient, loving, gentle, and generous with my time. Spending time playing, reading stories etc. And not losing my cool when the kids do frustrating things. Gently correcting, and lovingly guiding them.
The bad is when I lose control of my temper, and I get way too angry way too easily, and just let myself get out of hand, getting too heavy-handed and severe. Or getting really stubborn and pushing on with a tactic that is clearly not working, just to show that I won't be beaten. Because I'm the boss and must be obeyed.
Yuck.
I really want this to turn around soon, that I can learn self-control and gentleness, so that a few minutes don't tarnish the rest of a good day all the time. Certainly a good place to start with this is to pray more about it. I only pray about it when it reaches crisis-point, but if I really desire change in this area, it needs to be on my heart all the time.
Man, if there's one thing that being a parent does for you, it's point out and magnify your flaws. I guess this is a good thing in one way, as it forces you to grow and mature.
Anyway, I'll leave it there. Not the most fun blog post I've ever written, and maybe a bit too much information, I don't know. But I want to be honest about these things, rather than just pretend life is all smooth-sailing.
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
8 comments:
Yeah. I'm there too.
Thanks for your candour here Ben.
The motherhood myth is alive and well amongst Christians. And needlessly guilty women suffer in silence believing themselves to be sub-normal, sub-Christian and sub-human.
The fatherhood myth is just as prevalent. But different. Because I think we are less honest with ourselves and each other about this stuff. Probably because we can hide away in our jobs or hobbies or sheds or whatever.
Posts like this are a great antidote to guilt-ridden parenting and help to remind me at least that Christian dads are humans too.
I think I know how you feel. Feeding and settling has been really difficult this past few days and last night - after no sleep and trying to breastfeed a crying baby - I totally lost it and shouted some not very nice words to Nathan. I felt so guilty and like the world's worst mother afterwards - shouting at my baby when really he can't help himself! And I'm sure it gets harder as they get older to remain patient. But I try to keep remembering that I live by grace, not works. The aim is not to be the perfect parent on my own strength, but to daily ask God for the grace and strength to live (and parent) how He wants me to. Hard though!
Not a parent, but man, I am a sinful beast too.
I echo Al that posts like this help other parents know they aren't the only ones struggling with the role. One of the reasons why I've never had a particular desire for children is because I know myself too well - I'd be afraid of throwing a child at a wall in frustration.
I relate to this post. Thank you.
The hardest thing for me is watching my eldest son treat his younger sister in the ways that I sometimes treat him (when I lack self control and lose my temper).
It's tough.
I haven't been here in ages though Ben, cos I stopped reading blogs for the most part. Came here by accident. Glad I did.
Yep. Thanks for your honesty.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts, and encouraging words.
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