I worry a bit that I'm going to become one of those over protective fathers.Not in an 'oh no shnookums you mustn't go outside without your sun bonnet and appropriate footwear', but more in a 'you hurt my child's feelings, now I must hunt you down and take necessary action' kind of way. I guess, less the way that gets you laughed at a bit, and more the way that gets you, um, sort of imprisoned.
There are a couple of kids that live next door, and they are probably nice enough kids. But they are a couple of years older than Little e, and so she pretty much thinks they are awesome and will do whatever they tell her to do. She wanders over to the fence and calls their names longingly. Play with me. Please. Please! Oh you are going out to the shops for several hours with your mother? Oh nevermind, I'll just wait her for you by the fence until you come back. Oh, it's raining heavily now? Nevermind, I'll just be here nonetheless, don't you worry about that.
And so the kids take advantage a bit. Get her to do silly things. Leave her waiting around. I can't stand this. I want to whisk my daughter away, and yell out 'you're not worthy to play with my little girl, you little toe-rags!' I get worked up. No longer do I see a couple of little kids, but rather my Mortal Enemies who have stepped over that line and Hurt. My. Little. Girl.
Now, I know this is cringey, but seriously, it's a hard thing to shake, and a difficult thing to balance. There's nothing worse than when you are with friends who also have children, and the parents treat your kids more harshly than their own. I certainly don't want to be like that. And there's also something really nice about the opposite, where parents don't show favouritism, but embrace other kids the same as their own, and treat them equally.
But still. It's hard to stand back and let the kids deal with it themselves. It's hard not to rush in prematurely and intervene when it might not be necessary. It's hard not to give those neighbour kids a death stare sometimes.
It'd be nice if more was said on the topic. There are a million books about how to treat your own kids, but not so many about how to treat other peoples' kids.
7 comments:
Have always wondered about this bro and now I guess I will get to find out.
At 7 am this morning, some little derro who would still be in school if their parents gave a poop, was yelling obscenities across the road to a 'mate' and his girl while the rest of us had no choice but to listen in and block our newborns ears. REAL obscenities.
My child, for all intents and purposes, will be socilaising with children of this nature and what can we do?
Its gotta come back to the parents.
They just don't give a rats.
People need to be held accountable for theior children up until they are of legal age.
Full stop.
Kids a problem? Talk to the derro sitting on the lounge inside watching the football, and having a punt in his trackies on his dole money.
As far as your next door issue goes mate. Take a look at the parents. Are they the sort of people you would hang with? You're a liberal guy. Are they?
No? Well, then the spawn of these oxygen thieves will be jsut the same. Spare your wonderful daughter the pain and embarrassment of having to deal with these morons down the track and nip that setup in the bud.
Or...Move.
Well, it's kinda not as stereotyped as all that next door. The family is actually nice, and the father really friendly, and from what I can see, a very good father. And the kids are probably ok too.
So I think it's less about my daughter being an angel and them being total scalliwags, and more about kids just being kids. And me as a parent needing to step back a bit from my over-protection and look at the situation more objectively.
But yeah, just you wait! You'll be having emotions you didn't realise you were capable of!
Wow, Ben, that's a tough one! I can imagine I'd be over that fence wreaking vengeance in an instant but I'm sure you are right that it's not helpful to try to fix everything for little e. Is she old enough for you to talk with her about how she feels and what she might do if the kids are being a bit mean? I guess at the end of the day your job is not to protect her from life but to equip her for it.
'your job is not to protect her from life but to equip her for it.'
Well put, Jo. Yes I think she is old enough for a bit of a father/ daughter chat about the subject (she's 3.5). I'll have a think about how I might word it..
n= your ages
If n<22, n+2= way cool
If n>22 but n<29, n= way cool
If n>29, n-2=way cool.
Today at work I heard about an experimental year 5,6,7 composite class made up of gifted kids that they tried a few years ago. Educationally it was great, socially it was a disaster. The year 5s thought the year 7s were great and wanted to play with them at lunch time. The year 7s used and abused them in much the same way as your neighbour's kids use and abuse little e.
'tis life.
Find her some other children to play with, otherwise she may grow up thinking that she is only worthy to be laughed at / not good at social interaction.
Oh, and I forgot to say that the neighbour's kids may legitimately want to play with children their own age without feeling bothered by the 'little kid next door'. I'm not sure if there's a nice way for them to let her down - I was always on the receiving end of the "Go away, Laetitia! Leave me to play with my friends on my own!" cries from my sister as I would forlornly trail after her and her friends.
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