The Knocked Back After You

You know what annoys me? When people knock back an 'After You'. Why not just slap me in the mouth and insult my family while you're at it. I'm not sure what the reasoning is, maybe to try and trump my politeness, I don't know. But all it does is make a situation awkward, and much longer than it needs to be. There's a guy on my floor at work who is a pig for a knocked back After You. He loves the stuff. We get in the lift together at 4pm, me to go home, he to go downstairs for a smoke. We have a bit of smalltalk chitchat on the way down (how was your day busy mine too oh well at least it's nearly the end of the week too right yessiree bob nice weather bit warm I'd say what about that natural disaster no good no good at all), and then we get to the ground floor, the doors open, and this is when the magic starts. "After you", I say, standing back. "No, no, after you", he says, holding his ground too. Then I get stubborn. Trump me, will you? "No, I insist". "No, no, I insist times a million squared no returns". So on and so forth. It always ends the same way, me finally giving in, exiting, and saying "Thanks". And then he goes, suddenly talking in a Deep South drawl, "Not a problem", and I half expect that to be followed with "..little lady", and I walk away, feeling like I'm suddenly wearing a dainty summer frock and holding a parasole. So much unneccesary grief, awkwardness and emasculation. So if I ever offer you an After You, please, please, please just take it, so we can both get on with our lives. Unabomber out.