Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Speech Diary

It's been over a year since I did one of these posts. To be honest I've been feeling very low about my speech for the past few months, it seems to have just worsened and worsened.  Severe stuttering whenever I open my mouth.  It's very disheartening, and hard to work up any enthusiasm or drive to work on it, or make the effort to drive over to Toastmasters.

I think one reason why I like to just stay home and keep to myself is basically so I don't have to talk and embarrass myself.  It seems like every day is another opportunity to go out there and feel crap about myself in front of someone.  If it's a stranger, I feel like a goose, and if it's a friend, I feel like they are thinking 'oh man, didn't you have all that intensive therapy, like three years ago? What's going on? Why are you still doing that'.  Not good thoughts, I know.

But I don't want to be so negative. I know that that sort of thinking is totally counter productive. And I know I have so many blessings from God, I shouldn't be so laid low by just one aspect in my life.  It's tough to find that perspective though sometimes.

8 comments:

Belle said...

I've just been reading through your past 'Stutter' tags - I must have started following your blog after the last one, because I didn't realise you stuttered! I can only imagine how frustrating and stressful that would be, but I promise you that you're imagining people thinking worse things of you when you speak to them than they actually are.

And praise God for this blog, a chance to express yourself with nothing but font issues to slow you down!

Ben McLaughlin said...

Thanks Belle:)

Hannah said...

Thanks for being so honest Ben!

I can tell you that no one would be thinking the worse of you for stuttering.

Karen said...

Sorry to hear you've been feeling low about it all. I think I do remember you mentioning ages ago about stuttering but it must have been pretty early on when I started following your blog.

Like Belle though, I think it's great that you're able to blog and paint and express yourself in so many other cool ways (I do think bonsai and Bananas in Pyjamas is a fantastic combination!). God is good.

And I don't think anyone is thinking badly of you when you talk to them. The team my husband manages at work has an occupational therapist on it who has a stutter. We both know she's a great person so the fact that she sometimes has trouble getting words out really doesn't matter at all.

Deb said...

Sorry to hear it's been tough of late. But anyone who did think less of you for it would be a right twerp. And I'm sure you've got better mates than that. Hang in there a bit and then shake yourself off and pick up the fight again.

Georgina said...

Benny, you encourage me so much. Im battling weight at the moment. Let's both encourage each other not to give up! Hugs. And ditto what everyone else said.

Ben McLaughlin said...

Thanks so much guys, you're awesome.

And George, thanks:) keep battling.

Ruth said...

Ben - the other day when I ran into you and E, I totally forgot you had a stutter, I didn't notice you stutter at all.