Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

One Ring To Bind Them

I haven't taken my wedding ring off for about three weeks now. Less out of earnest marital devotion and more out of the fact that I can't get the flipping thing off.

I like my wedding ring very much, but I also get quite claustrophobic, and need to get it off of a night time, to allow Ringman to breathe and roam free, to be naked and feel the wind on his skin. He's a bit of a free spirit, that finger of mine.

The main issue here is that I'm getting wider. Not more muscly, not more strong, not taller, none of those good things. Just wider. Middle age spread before I've even reached the Middle Ages. Saddening. You know on your flash widescreen tele how there's that aspect ratio business? Well it's like someone's taken my standard 4:3 format and accidentally set it at 16:9. I don't want to be 16:9.

Back to The Ring. I feel like Gollum, getting so attached to his precioussss that it started taking a stranglehold on his life. Actually, Gollum was skinny, so maybe I'm more like a portly Bilbo. The longer I keep it on without respite, the tighter it's will gets, and the weaker my own will gets.

E, I may be a little late home tonight, as I need to make a brief stop off at Mount Doom. 


RodeoClown said...

I have this problem as well - started on my honeymoon when we went up to Nth Queensland and the heat made my fingers swell up.

The trick to getting it off is lubrication - get some hand moisturised, and moisturise your knuckle as well as you can, then you can hopefully slip it off.

You want to get that sucker off there too - otherwise you can get water behind it and your finger can rot (eeewww!) I think my Dad had to get his cut off because it wouldn't come off any more and had started to cut off the circulation to his finger.

RodeoClown said...

*get some hand *moisturiser*

Ben McLaughlin said...


Marriage: It's all fun and games until somebody loses a gangrenous finger.

Ben McLaughlin said...

So what do you do once it's off? E suggested wearing it on a chain around my neck... I dunno, I already am short with curly hair and live in the Shire. A ring on a chain around my neck might be one step towards Hobbiton too far.

RodeoClown said...

You can get them resized at a jewellers - not sure what that does if you have engraving on the inside though (I keep my wedding date and a bit of 1 Cor 13 in there as a reminder).

I just put mine back on, but I take it off when I have a shower, or am doing physical work. If ever it starts getting real hard to get off every time, then I'll think about getting it resized.

Deb said...

Ben, it might help if you use your other hand to pull back the loose skin from your knuckle (pulling back towards your wrist so it doesn't all bunch up as you try to get the ring over the knuckle) while E tries to twist the ring over your knuckle. Olive oil should be applied, and if you want garlic and some basil too, but the seasoning is optional and totally useless.

Get it re-sized. Not expensive.

ALaird said...

"So what do you do once it's off? E suggested wearing it on a chain around my neck... I dunno, I already am short with curly hair and live in the Shire. A ring on a chain around my neck might be one step towards Hobbiton too far."

Ben - this made me laugh so hard. Love it

Karen said...

Hope it's off by now :)
When I was pregnant and the rings started to get a bit tight, I would wear them on my pinky finger as a temporary solution.
But I think in your case, the resizing is probably the better option.
Also giggling at the Hobbit references...

Anonymous said...

The comments on this post are just as hilarious as the post itself!!

From now on I'm totally using potential-gangrene as a motivator to exercise more regularly.

Ben McLaughlin said...

"the loose skin from your knuckle". What are you implying Deb? I said I'm a bit wide, I didn't say I'm Jabba the Hutt. Flappy knuckle skin? Well, I never.

I get the oil idea as a way of getting it off. You can go and wash the oil off after. But I have just as much trouble trying to get it back on, and I don't want to use oil for that. I'd have residual oil sitting under the ring, in unwashable darkness. I couldn't bear it.

I guess I'll have to resize.

Deb said...

It's a trick I was taught for my wedding. The minister said he often had situations where placing the ring on the bride or groom's finger turned into a drama. He suggested we put our partner's ring on with two hands, pulling the skin back so it didn't bunch up. Worked like a charm for our wedding. Would have been even easier if I hadn't been shaking like a leaf for the whole ceremony!

Stuart Heath said...

'Mount Doom' — is that a chain of gyms in the Shire? If not, it's a total marketing opportunity.

Ben McLaughlin said...

Good call, I'll draft up a proposal right away.