Reg Grundies

E gave me a voucher for a massage for my birthday, and I finally used it on the weekend (of course about a day before the voucher was going to expire). I reckon it was maybe the best massage I've ever had. Which in some ways isn't saying that much, as I've mostly only ever gone to those vaguely dodgy slap-dash Chinese ones, that give you a quick elbow pummelling between ciggie breaks.

But anyways, it was a great massage. I think there are very few things in existence that rival the joy of massage. If I were King, I'd hire a personal massage squad, who'd be on call around the clock for His Majesty's Service.

But really, my one issue with massage is that I've never had a real firm grasp on the appropriate etiquette. And being an unusually intimate setting to find yourself with a stranger, any false etiquette moves can lead you to embarrassing places, pretty quickly. It's a very slippery slope (especially when essential oils are involved). Case in point-

So I'm standing in this little room with this lady, and she goes, "I'll get you to take off most of your clothes". Now, I need specifics. Don't leave me with any margin for error, thanks. Define "most". I asked her to do just that. She goes "just get down to your undies". What I was afraid of.

Now, I sort of saw this as Band-aid Theory. It's uncomfortable, so whip it off fast. So, as she continues talking, I quickly take off my thongs, shorts and t-shirt. I stand there, trying very hard to seem perfectly casual and at ease. No, I'm cool, lady, I do this all the time. Clothes, no clothes, all the same to me.

She then sort of looks at me weird. Basically the way you'd look if someone just took off their clothes in front of you. She goes, "Ummm, you could wait until I leave the room, if you like..." Arrrgh! I lunge for a rolled up towel, and quickly hide my shame. And then apologise a lot.

As I said. Give me specifics. There is a lot at stake here. But yeah, etiquette issues aside, loved it.