Hopefully this will be the last installment of this for a while! I am feeling sort of drained from talking about, but just want to get it over with.
I wanted to say something about my view of life as a Christian in regards to all of this, because I am afraid that I have sounded sorry for myself, and preoccupied with the challenges in my life, and not with the blessings. While I would be lying to say I never feel sorry for myself over this, I certainly don't do so on an ongoing basis.
God has blessed me with so much. I am eternally grateful that He chose me, and that He called me, and that He made a way to save me and bring me to Him. If nothing else was to be given to me, I should still be infinitely joyful and thankful for this alone. But He has given me so much more. An amazing wife and wonderful daughter,family, friends, health, wealth etc etc etc.
But as well as these broader things, He has given me gifts and outlets to express myself in other ways beside speech. He gave me a creative heart and mind, a desire to draw and paint, a voice to sing. There have been many ways that I have been able to be 'heard' throughout my life, despite difficulties speaking. The most recent is this blog.
It has meant a lot to me to have this blog, probably a lot more than people realise. For so long I had felt unknown to people, that they didn't know what was going on with me, what made me tick. And I really, really wanted them to. I am so grateful for this opportunity to say what I have to say; to have a joke, to talk about the good things in life, the bad things, about my faith, about my interests.
Another thing, is that even in my stuttering, God has brought me good things. He does not give us trials to sabotage us, to weaken us, to knock away at our strength. He gives us struggles to mature us, to grow us strong, to make us deeper, better, more like Him.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:6-7)
Would my life have been easier had I not had a stutter? Probably. Would I be the same person? Probably not. I have grown a lot through this, and have learnt a lot. Am I thankful for my stutter? Well, no not really, but I am thankful for what my stutter has made me, for how I have grown, for what I have learnt. In all things give thanks.
And so, to close this subject for the time being, I'll finish with a little description of the hope of heaven as described in Isaiah 32--
..and the stammering tongue will be fluent and clear.
Amen!
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
8 comments:
...and we're enjoying getting to know you on this blog:)
Thanks for those posts, Ben. You write very well.
Our 4 year old has a stutter. We worked pretty hard to help him get on top of it and he is mostly okay now, but some words still get stuck in his throat. Our ST says they probably always will. Hate them bumps.
All will be smooth in the new creation and we'll see how God has used everything for his glory.
Dude,
Thank you for these posts, they have been so insightful and encouraging. I'm so glad that your blog is allowing us get to know you better.
Like we said to you on Sunday, Nathan & I love your blog. It is our favourite.
You are a very clever writer, thoughtful and inspiring. Your reflections on our great God always rebuke and build me up at once.
The thing that strikes me the most is your humility. The way you reflect on your own faults is evidence of the Spirit powerfully at work in your life, and always causes me to reflect on my own life.
Mostly your blog makes us laugh. You are so not "ben the stutterer" in our minds, you are "ben, one of the funniest guys we know" :)
Ben, it's absolutely wonderful to hear you talking of your struggles and how God has used them to help you grow more like His Son. You're a great encouragement and role model to me in your willingness to trust and serve through life-long trials.
For me, I can certainly testify that your stutter makes you no less of a warm and caring friend, and a lot of fun to be around!
Will look forward to singing Hallelujah's with you for eternity!
thanks very much Soph,Simone, Liz and Pete. I really appreciate you commenting. Simone, that is great that you tackled your son's stutter early. Kids can kick it pretty quickly and thoroughly. Will pray that he does kick it for good. Thanks Liz, that is lovely what you said. Peter, you are a massive encouragement to me also-- one of the strongest guys/christians I have ever met.
Thanks again everyone.
Hey Ben, thanks for your thoughts - these posts are really candid and I'm sure were hard to write. Your blog (a new discovery!) is great - i love reading it and I'm really glad it gives you a 'voice' of sorts. Will be praying for your hopes and dreams. Soph
Thanks a lot, Sophie, that is really nice. I have been checking out yr blog too.
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