Last night we watched Northanger Abbey, in my third (and probably final) attempt to try and gain an appreciation for Jane Austen. After this I will review something American with lots of guns and swearing, because I fear my feminine side is getting way too much of an airing on this blog.I had high hopes for this one, as it was advertised as Jane Austen's foray into Gothic literature. Well, whacko. Don't foray too far, will you, Jane.
You know what was Gothic about this one? The main character is reading a Gothic book. Don't worry about ghosts, or vampires or anything, just have the character read a book . That'll scare them senseless. Reading. I'm getting chills just saying the word.
The decided lack of anything remotely creepy or good was summed up when our dashing male lead says "no, he's not a vampire.. but he did suck the life out of her". Puh-leeze. And that other guy isn't an actual werewolf, but he did once see a wolf at the zoo.
So, no. Sorry, but no points on the 'Gothic' score.
And what a dud ending once again. I was amazed at how quickly and neatly it all got wrapped up in about two minutes, after what seemed like an eternity of carriage rides, and dances and letter writing. Why not get rid of all that rubbish, and give us a decent ending: The father was not just like a vampire, but is actually one of the undead. The son Henry was in on a plot to lure Catherine to the Abbey to be a fresh blood source for the undead father, the evil son, and the ghost-mother that haunts the abbey.
We see a close up of Catherine screaming as she realises that her Gothic daydreams are nothing compared to this waking nightmare. Cut to exterior of the abbey, as we hear Catherine scream. Night falls. A wolf howls in the distance. Fade to black. Roll credits. If only people listened to me, their movies would be totally awesome.
What I have realised after watching these few, is that the plots are very formulaic. There's a bloke and a lady. They like each other but there's a couple of crossed wires. A baddie tries to warn her away from him. They walk near a river and have a 'special moment'. They marry. Roll credits. I'm sorry, but I'm not seeing a giant distinction between this and Mills and Boone.
Don't ark up. I can sense you arking up. You're only reacting that way because I have touched a raw nerve. You say you love the character study, and relevant poignancy to real life. But seriously, is it not just that you love watching picnics and girls writing letters? Is it not just that you love the boofy dresses and dopey language? Is it not just a regression to childhood and playing with dolls? Is it not the equivalent of guys liking Rambo because we liked playing shoot-em-up when we were kids? Oh yes, how far the lofty have fallen.
So let's agree to disagree, whilst agreeing that I am right. Jane Austen minus the fluff and fancy language, equals Mills and Boone.
15 comments:
Bravo!!! A near case of performance anxiety abated.
This, the third and final in your Jane Austen trilogy of reviews is by far the best.
Completely innacurate and lacking in true appreciation, but definitely your best work.
One last thing, 'I' feel most defamed that you would suggest I could be reading/watching Mills & Boon. SO not the same.
And yet you don't say HOW they are different. Methinks she protesteth too much:)
Thanks for the first two sentences. I know that spite overshadowed the rest, so I won't take that on, Trish. I know that you would take it all back if you could.
Ben Ben Ben! I feel it is my responsibility to set you straight on this - and defend all my fellow Austen lovers by informing you that you are completely mistaken!
I loved Northanger Abbey.
What about the tension, the development of relationships, the constant guessing of who is actually the one with the evil character?
Mystery, suspense, hoping for a fruitful outcome...
Anyway...
True lovers of Austen will not be swayed by your apparent distaste none-the-less! :)
Hi Christine--I don't want you to be swayed, I just want some answers as to why her stories are apparantly so amazing.
Was there that much development of relationships? I must have blinked during that bit. And hoping for a good outcome? Knowing that evry other story of hers ends with the leads getting married, I think you can pretty much rest assurred of that. And that also takes away the tension of whether the bloke is actually good or bad, because you are guaranteed he's going to be grooming it up at the wedding.
The Secret Diary of Henry Tilney. The Northanger Abbey subtext, complete with lolcats.
http://www.austenblog.com/index.php?s=diary+tilney+secret&submit=Go
Bother, the link was too long! austenblog.com search tilney secret diary.
Hey Ben :)
But that's just it - you never actually know if Mr Tilney is good or bad until the end. It's all about the journey in Austen, not the ending.
p.s. 'grooming it up' Lol :)
I think the thing you have missed is that movies - and even more so movies made for television - never do the books justice.
You didn't understand that there was angst in Persuasion because it wasn't explicit from the TV that just having money wasn't enough to make a man eligible: he was in the navy and had made his money from trade, and hence was still socially ineligible (consider the father's opinion when he had to let his house to an admiral).
Likewise, you have to realise that Northanger Abbey isn't a foray into gothic story writing - it was a spoof on the genre! Yes, there was more tension in the book, because the TV version majored on the events in Bath rather than the events at the Abbey, but what can you expect when a book which is 235 pages long takes 95 min to air? Yes, I know the dresses are lovely, and you could be right about that being what makes the TV versions watchable, but I suspect that the reason we like Austen TV so much is that it reminds us to go back and take the book off the shelf and read it again to enjoy the original in all it's detail.
(PS I found your blog via Ali's at something this foggy day)
Ben! Something weird, spooky, gothic even perhaps has happened in that when I checked your blog yesterday and last night this post wasn't there! Anyway, very funny! I am not going to condescend to engage with you ;) but you should at least have appreciated that Catherine tells it like it is and doesn't beat around the bush! She is unique among the Austen heroines for not showing the restraint of feeling the others do ... Fanny in Mansfield Park on the other hand, well you shall have to wait and see :). C'mon, there's just one more!
(Anyway, thanks for obliging! You failed to disappoint! I have the period drama to end all period dramas if you like - it's called "A Hazzard of Hearts". It does have real sword fighting and smugglers in it. But perhaps what you need to watch to appreciate the Austen appeal is this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=aHsKHllD2qU&feature=related
I'm a big Austen fan, but I've not really seen any of the movies.
The books are where it's at - because she's got great writers craft. Movies, would struggle to capture that I would think...
Very amusing assessment, and I can see your point - yes it's really just about girls experiencing romantic fantasies vicariously...
but it's also about the clever dialogue and the birth of the novel focusing on the development of an individual, as opposed to simply a portrait of society blah blah blah.. (hmm and the dashing male leads)
weird, spooky, gothic...Ali, it sounds like you've let your imagination run away with you by reading too many crazy books.
And I see you're trying to evangelise Ben with your Barbara Cartland wares. Trying to subtly sneak a mention in, thinking the discerning reader won't even notice. It won't work I tell you!
Or maybe just crazy blog posts :) ...
You didn't need to tell him it was Barbara Cartland!! But seriously Ben, the father, presumed dead, has been living in a secret chamber for years, the wicked mother carries a walking stick that turns into a rapier, there's underground passages, poison, and a good bit of swooning....
Wow a treasuretrove of comments!
jessg-- thanks for the comment and link. But subtext really just means what the author should've put in the book but didn't.
christine-- if it's about the journey rather than the ending, something really should actually HAPPEN on that journey.
sharon-- thanks for the thoughtful comment. So what you are really saying is that the movie was bog and makes you want to read the book? Yep, sounds good. I got that it was a spoof of gothic literature rather than a foray, but also you must realise that my review was in fact not a foray into reviewing, but instead a spoof of a foray into reviewing.
ali-- mystery of mysteries! It's good that you don't condesecend to engage, as the foundations of your literary tastes would be shaken to the core. I understand your fear. Best to follow blindly the drones going to their picnics and lakeside strolls.
That story that you speak of sounded good, until you used the word 'swoon', at which point I fell into a coma.
Oh, and that youtube clip made me be a little bit sick into my mouth. Thanks for that.
sam-- good to hear from a male Austen fan. My dad loves her too. You're probably on to a good thing steering clears of the 'adaptations' though.
sophie-- thanks sophie, finally someone concedes that it is a girly vicarious prince charming thing. I'm all for clever dialog and development of an individual. But I would much rather seek this somewhere else, than a bunch of posh, boring, smug people not really doing anything. Give me something like Charles Dickens any day.
trish-- thanks for the heads up about babs cartland. Will protect myself accordingly.
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