Three Ways To Go

I became very down in the dumps last night, and had a bit of a sook about some stuff. It was good though, as I was able to talk through it with E and with some mates. Some stuff had been brewing away below the surface, and something small just sort of triggered it to come out. I'm glad that it did.

When I'm faced with pain, I think there are three ways that I can go, after the initial wave of sadness passes. The first way I could go is to sink into despair, and wallow in depressing thoughts. If I go this way, it is usually not for very long. Not because I'm great at picking myself up, but because I want to get the heck out of that sad place as quick as I can, not wanting to hurt any more than I have to.

I think this is a good quality, that I am thankful for. But, from there I don't choose the best way to go. I very quickly opt then for the second way, which I think is the cause of a whole lot of my trouble. When the thing surfaces (yet again- it happens in cycles), it sort of works like a pressure valve. I immediately feel a little better, and so I push it all back down again, and preoccupy myself with other things. I don't face the issue but avoid it, procrastinate about it and remain fearful of it.

The third way I can go is the best way, and the only good way. To go to God about the issue, though it hurts to think about it and dwell on it. To ask Him for the strength to do something about it and take the first step in changing the situation.

I am determined to go this way this time. I have people holding me accountable who are going to check up on me, which hopefully will be the incentive I need to get going. I need to start running towards something instead of wallowing or running away. I really don't feel that I can run away anymore.