I'm writing this less to share, and more just for my own 'documentation', but I realised my being very hard on myself actually stems from a positive view of myself, not a negative one.
I don't know whether this is evident, but I have a lot of self-belief, and a lot of ambition. I know what I am capable of on my best day, and have strong confidence in that. The reason why I continually get so down and defeatist is that I expect every day to be my 'best day'. I know I can do such and such, because I did such and such on this other occasion- therefore if I don't do that now, it is failure.
This attitude really runs through every aspect of my life. The obvious example at the moment is my speech -- I am blind to the positives because all I see is my 'best day' when I was in that controlled environment of the clinic-- but really it's much more far-reaching than just my speech.
Though this leads me to a lot of negativity and unhelpful 'self-talk', it is actually a trait that I like in myself, and am very grateful to have. I like that my ambitions are very big, and that I genuinely believe I can do big things. The road would have a lot less angst if I weren't like this, but I would also have no hope of reaching the heights I sincerely believe I can reach.
I am sure this sounds arrogant, and I accept that. I would rarely speak of this, except to my wife, for that very reason. But I genuinely think there is a big distinction between arrogance, and being sure of what you are capable of.
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
Huldra Forsvant (Theodor Kittelsen)
4 comments:
Brethra, I applaud the honesty and sincerity with your admission of 'perfectionism' (for want of a better word).
Striving to be the best you can be and acheive the most you can acheive is a trait a lot more people could benefit from having. You have set the bar for yourself and nothing less will suffice. Thats tops.
I feel like I may be in the same category and I am grateful for being so.
You DO have some big mountains to climb and you are an inspiration to the uninspired and unmotivated people who just 'exist' day to day and accept the banality they have been dealt or find themselves in, waiting for someone else to do it all for them.
Cheers to you mate. You do more for us than you think. Really.
I've often been known to say that the difference between arrogance and confidence is competence.
That can be expressed as a mathematical equation showing what happens if you remove one element.
arrogance = confidence - competence
confidence = arrogance + competence
competence = confidence - arrogance
I did thoroughly relate to this post - and just thought I'd let you know I'm still out here. Lurking.
thanks Pete, I appreciate that mate.
Nathan, I got a shiver down my spine as I read that last line. Troubling. I like your set of equations.. you should put it on a tshirt.
I think putting them on a shirt on the basis that they'd sell would be arrogant.
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