Rajo Devi Lohan, an Indian woman who gave birth 18 months ago at the age of 70, after IVF treatment, is dying, as a result of giving birth at such an old age. This is what she had to say--
"I dreamed about having a child all my life. It does not matter to me that I am ill, because at least I lived long enough to become a mother."
I wonder how the little 18 month old girl will view this logic, as she grows up with perhaps only a faint memory of her mother, but with the ongoing reality of her mothers' absence in her life.
It made me think about stuff in my own life, that I want, want, want, want, want. It's not hard to see the logical progression here, that you want something so badly, that you lose sight and objectivity over time as to the surrounding consequences of a bigger picture.
Ironically this woman had so idolised motherhood, to the point where she was willing to get it at any cost, even at the detriment of her child, the thing that she so desired in the first place.
"I dreamed about having a child all my life. It does not matter to me that I am ill, because at least I lived long enough to become a mother."
I wonder how the little 18 month old girl will view this logic, as she grows up with perhaps only a faint memory of her mother, but with the ongoing reality of her mothers' absence in her life.
It made me think about stuff in my own life, that I want, want, want, want, want. It's not hard to see the logical progression here, that you want something so badly, that you lose sight and objectivity over time as to the surrounding consequences of a bigger picture.
Ironically this woman had so idolised motherhood, to the point where she was willing to get it at any cost, even at the detriment of her child, the thing that she so desired in the first place.
7 comments:
Good point. Sometimes what we want (even if it sounds noble), is really just selfish. We always need to think of others before ourselves. I'm sure there are a ton of scripture references, but I'm terrible at memorizing!
I've always thought I was the only one who thought this: that somehow the desire to be a mother is considered a right, almost a higher calling, and thus can never be selfish, even when it is.
An unpopular thought I'm sure.
powerful. And really sad.
No Amy, you're not the only one. But interestingly, neither of us has children.
I'm intrigued by the phrasing "at least I lived long enough to become a mother" - long enough? long enough to become one? long enough to become something that would have been better if you didn't wait so long? Hmmm.
Chris- Hi, nice to hear from you:) Yeah, so much is dependant on motives, isn't it.
Amy-I definitely see what you mean, and the thought has crossed my mind as well. But I think it is such a case by case thing, and you can never really know someone else's motives enough to accuse them of that. I think it's more a useful thing to keep ourselves in check on. Really, anything can become an idol, no matter how good it is. It's like Keller said, nobody ever makes an idol out of a bad thing..
Al- It is sad. It's also quite a common thing in India apparantly, that women become so desperate to avoid the really negative social stigma of being childless.
Laetitia- From what I gather, she certainly didn't wait. She was married at 15 and she and her husband tried for many decades to fall pregnant. You have to feel for her in that, that's such a long painful road. I guess the stranger thing is her not being deterred and letting go of that dream, (in a good way).
I was thinking about this again last night and came to the conclusion (that you seem to have come to as well) that we don't know what is in this woman's heart (only what the media tell us) and it isn't our place to judge.
But I still stick to my point that sometimes the desire to have a child can be selfish. It would be selfish for me to have a child just because I wanted one right now, because I would not be in a good place to provide for it. And it would be selfish for me to have a child just because all my friends are or if I wanted one because babies are cute or because I didn't want to go to work any more. But I can only comment on my own motivations and situation.
Ben, I guess I'm wondering why they didn't try the IVF route earlier when she would likely have had a better health outcome. Yes, they are poor and had to take a loan but they probably would have had to take a loan 10 or 20 years ago too.
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